


Travel far enough, you'll meet yourself

by SlantedKnitting



Series: big bangs and challenges [17]
Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Alcohol, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - Modern with Magic, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Hookah, M/M, Magic, Minor Violence, Modern Era
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-18
Updated: 2019-09-18
Packaged: 2020-10-21 09:17:47
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 30,952
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20691125
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SlantedKnitting/pseuds/SlantedKnitting
Summary: Merlin has his father’s journals and spell books, but he wants a deeper connection to the history of magic in his family, so he studies abroad in Estonia where his father used to live. There, he meets Arthur, who seems to be coming under attack from mysterious people in Tallinn. Merlin’s never been very good at wielding his own magic, but it starts working with him more and more as he uses it to protect himself—and to protect Arthur. Too bad Arthur is a standoffish prat who probably doesn’t deserve the help, but Merlin’s magic doesn’t seem to mind.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [[ART] Travel far enough, you'll meet yourself (ACBB 2019)](https://archiveofourown.org/works/20673353) by [schweet_heart](https://archiveofourown.org/users/schweet_heart/pseuds/schweet_heart), [SlantedKnitting](https://archiveofourown.org/users/SlantedKnitting/pseuds/SlantedKnitting). 

> I don’t know how I managed to create 2 ACBBs this year, but here we are! I owe incredible thanks to my my fantastic beta, [ji-ang](https://ji-ang.tumblr.com/) who worked on both fics with me and made them into something much better than they would have been otherwise. She is truly a gift to me! Also ENORMOUS thanks to [schweet_heart](https://archiveofourown.org/users/schweet_heart/pseuds/schweet_heart) for making beautiful, evocative art for this piece. I’m so lucky to have gotten to work with you two years in a row! I love everything you made and am delighted for everyone to finally see your wonderful creations! And again, thanks as always to the mods for running ACBB and facilitating so many awesome fan creations. Yay!

Merlin was worried he had under-packed. He had one case—a very large case, but still just the one—and his hand luggage. And that was it.

He had all the necessary things—clothes, shoes, books, toiletries—and he had thought that was all he would need for a semester abroad. After all, it wasn’t like he was leaving society completely. If he really needed something else, he could always just go out and buy it.

But, looking around at the rest of the students in his program, he wondered if he had miscalculated. Everyone else had two cases—some people had two that were both just as big as Merlin’s one—and hand luggage that was so stuffed it didn’t look like it would fit in the overhead locker.

Maybe he should have brought more clothes. But it wasn’t like he wouldn’t have access to a washing machine. At least, he was pretty sure he would. He was staying with a host family, and surely they washed their clothes somewhere. If it came down to it, he could always just use a laundromat or, if he got really desperate, wash his clothes in the tub with a bar of soap.

Or maybe he should have brought more books. He had brought a few of his favourites just to keep himself company, plus his father’s journals, and he had a few language dictionaries and travel guides as well.

He had packed enough empty notebooks for all his classes. What else could he have needed?

Maybe he hadn’t brought enough shoes. Maybe there was some category of item he had missed out on completely. He hadn’t brought too many toiletries, thinking that he would just buy them when he arrived or when he needed them. Maybe he should have packed more.

Whatever the verdict was, it was too late to change anything now. He had what he had, and he would just have to manage if he’d made any mistakes.

He was considering digging through his case to find one of his father’s journals to read while he waited at the terminal. Everyone had been instructed to arrive at the airport well before boarding, and now he had time to kill, and stressing about his luggage wasn’t making him feel very good about the trip.

His dad’s journals always calmed him, though. He’d read them so many times they were like friends. He loved the cramped handwriting, the long passages about his father’s favourite buildings and parks, the ponderings over spells and curses and creatures and potions.

The journals were the only connection he had to the history of magic in his family. He’d only been studying magic for a few years, and most of the time he felt like a complete failure at it, but his dad’s journals gave him hope that one day he could be great. One day he could sense magic like his father, could memorise enough spells to use them whenever he wanted, could conjure things from thin air. One day he would write his own journals to pass on.

Until then, though, all he had were the journals and a few magic books he’d inherited. They weren’t enough to sate his curiosity, despite the fact that even after having read them all, Merlin still mostly felt like he had no idea what he was doing when it came to magic.

It wasn’t like he could ask anyone for help, either. His mother was encouraging, but she didn’t have magic. No one he knew did, at least not as far as he could tell. He supposed someone else out there might have it, might be able to help him, but he didn’t know how to find them. All he had were his books, and that was going to have to be enough.

“Nervous?” the girl next to him asked.

Merlin snapped out of his thoughts and realised he’d been bouncing his legs. “A bit,” he said. When she just smiled at him politely, he added, “I’ve never been on an aeroplane before.”

“No? It’s fun. Well, no, it’s cramped, but the idea of it is sort of fun. It won’t be too long, anyway. I’m Gwen, by the way.”

She held out her hand, and Merlin shook it quickly. “Merlin,” he introduced himself. “Have you ever been to Estonia before?”

“No, I’ve never even been outside of the UK before.”

“Me neither,” Merlin said, relieved he wasn’t the only one. “Where’d you fly to?”

“Edinburgh. My brother lives up there. Or, he did at the time. Now he’s in Liverpool. He moves around a lot. I guess I’m nervous, too. Sorry for the rambling.”

“It’s fine,” Merlin said, smiling. Gwen seemed sweet.

“Do you have any siblings?”

Merlin shook his head. “No, it’s just me and my mum. We’ve lived just outside London my whole life.”

“Me, too! I mean, _my_ whole life, not yours. Me and my dad, and my brother until he went to Scotland. I’m starving, do you want some food?”

Merlin nodded and followed Gwen towards the food court, glad for something to do besides waiting for their boarding call.

“How did you decide to study in Estonia?” Gwen asked when they were settled at a table with their salads and pastries.

Merlin took a bite instead of answering. For some reason he hadn’t expected anyone to ask him that.

“I took a WWII history class back in secondary school,” Gwen said when he didn’t immediately respond. “The Baltics were always fascinating to me.”

Merlin nodded. “They are interesting. My dad was from Estonia. I was curious to see what it’s like. Do you speak any of the language?”

Gwen scoffed. “Barely. I’ve been listening to an audio tape to try to get used to the sound of it, but I’m actually abysmal at languages. I’ve been studying French since primary school, and I still barely grasp it. Do you?”

“I downloaded a bunch of apps on my phone,” Merlin said. “I think I can manage to get around and ask, like, where the toilets are.”

“Probably the most important thing. That and ordering alcohol.”

“I think I can manage that, too,” Merlin said before taking a few more bites of his salad.

“Then I’m definitely sticking with you.” Gwen smiled, but then her expression turned into one of panic. “Unless you don’t want me to. I’m not trying to impose.”

Merlin shook his head and hurried to swallow. “No, no. You’re welcome to. I’d definitely rather explore the city with a friend than by myself.”

Gwen looked pleased at being called his friend.

Boarding was set to begin shortly after they finished eating, so they headed back to the gate. Some of the other students on the program were sitting on the floor playing cards, and others were napping in the seats.

Merlin sat down and dug through his hand luggage to get his headphones, planning to listen to an audiobook on the plane. As soon as he had them in his pocket with his mobile, they were called to start boarding.

Merlin stayed close to Gwen, not really sure what to expect. He let her go first through the gate and watched how she presented her ticket at the desk. He did the same and then followed her down a small tunnel to the plane.

Gwen hadn’t been kidding when she had said the plane would be cramped. It wasn’t even half full yet, and it already looked like there were too many people crammed into too small a space.

“This is me,” Gwen said when they were about two thirds of the way down the aisle. She shoved her hand luggage into the overhead locker and then plopped down in her seat to introduce herself to the guy in the window seat.

Merlin double-checked his ticket and was pleased to see he would be sitting across from her. He put his hand luggage away and sat down, but there was no one sitting next to him, yet. He emptied his pocket and put his passport, ticket, mobile, headphones, and gum into the little pocket on the back of the seat in front of him.

“And this is Merlin,” Gwen said, and Merlin looked over. “Merlin, this is Gwaine. He’s in our program, too.”

Merlin waved to the guy sitting next to Gwen. He was a little gorgeous. He had his long hair pulled back into a high bun, and he had a sort of roguish smile.

“Good to meet you,” Gwaine called across the aisle. “Do you want some gum?”

“I have some, thank you.”

Gwaine shrugged and said something to Gwen, pulling her attention away from Merlin. Merlin watched them for a while, amused by the way Gwaine was sort of leaning into Gwen and the way Gwen was blushing, until someone blocked his view.

“Excuse me.”

Merlin looked up to see another student standing in front of him.

“That’s my seat,” he said, pointing to the empty window seat next to Merlin.

“Oh! Sorry.” Merlin stood and took a few steps back to get out of the way.

The guy sat in Merlin’s seat and then scooted over, his hand luggage in his lap. He shoved it under the seat in front of him and then pulled on his lap belt.

Merlin sat back down, very aware of how close they were sitting.

“You’re doing the study abroad program?” Merlin asked.

“Yeah, are you?”

“Yeah, I’m Merlin.”

“Arthur,” he said, turning slightly to shake Merlin’s hand.

“That’s Gwen and Gwaine,” Merlin said, gesturing across the aisle at where they were still flirting.

Arthur seemed uninterested in getting to know them.

Merlin pulled his mobile out and fiddled with it as they waited for the rest of the passengers to board.

“Ever been on a plane before?” Merlin asked.

“‘Course I have,” Arthur said, staring out the window. “Haven’t you?”

“No,” Merlin said quietly. “First time.”

Arthur looked over his shoulder at Merlin. “Really? Why?”

Merlin had no idea how to answer that question, and he didn’t appreciate the notion that everyone should have had previous flying experience.

“Because I’ve never been anywhere before.”

“Oh.” Arthur gave Merlin a once over, and Merlin frowned. He didn’t like the scrutiny or the way it felt like Arthur was judging him for never having travelled.

“Where have you been, then?” Merlin asked.

“Loads of places,” Arthur said before turning back to the window.

Merlin glared at Arthur for a moment before turning his attention back to his mobile, deciding that he wasn’t worth the annoyance. He looked over at Gwen, but she was deep in conversation with Gwaine, so he pulled out his headphones and started up his audiobook.

Before long, it was time for the safety demonstration. Arthur continued staring out the window, but Merlin paused his audiobook and paid close attention, fascinated by the idea of needing to use an oxygen mask. He wondered if maybe Arthur had been on so many planes that he had all the safety measures memorised.

“Do you want some gum?” Merlin asked. He had two packs, having heard that it helped to chew gum during take-off, landing and even during the flight.

Arthur shrugged and held out his hand. Merlin gave him a stick and received no thanks in response. Rolling his eyes, Merlin unwrapped his gum and chewed it anxiously, not sure what to expect next.

Take off did turn out to be kind of fun. Merlin craned his head to look out Arthur’s window, wishing he had the window seat. It was amazing to see the ground getting farther and farther away, the airport getting smaller and smaller, the land looking more and more like a photograph rather than someplace he had been just a moment ago.

Once they were stable in the air, Merlin went back to his audiobook. He couldn’t really hear it—something about the aeroplane made it sound like there was a fan very nearby—but it was a book he’d read before so he supposed it didn’t really matter. It was a nice distraction from the cramped quarters and his rude neighbour.

There were snacks and drinks provided, which was nice, and after barely 90 minutes the pilot announced that they were approaching Tallinn.

The landing was a little less fun than the take off. It felt like the plane was hurtling towards the earth way too fast, way too steep, and Merlin found himself clutching the arm rests until it touched down.

“You can let go now,” Arthur said when the plane had come to a full stop.

Merlin peeled his hands off the arm rests. “Sorry,” he said, sheepish.

Arthur said nothing, just went back to the book he had been reading for most of the flight. Merlin looked over to see Gwen unbuckling her belt.

“How was it?” she asked, grinning.

Merlin managed a smile, his body still tense. “Good. I didn’t like the landing.”

Gwen laughed and started to say something but was interrupted by the announcement that they could disembark. Everyone stood at all once, and it was a bit of chaos for a while with everyone trying to get their bags and push past each other to get off the plane. Merlin tried to hang back, not in any kind of hurry, but Arthur wasn’t having any of that. He got around Merlin—which was a very awkward manoeuvre—and secured his place in line before Merlin had even got his hand luggage.

Eventually, Merlin made it off the plane and found where the rest of the students had gathered. They were being lectured by the director of the program, an elderly man named Kilgharrah, who had been waiting at the airport to greet them. He gave a stern speech about how they were expected to act for the duration of their visit to Estonia, and then he escorted the group out to a bus that took them to a hotel where they would stay for the night before moving in with their host families the next day.

Merlin found that his head felt a little heavy or stuffy or something from the flight, but he was excited to start his study abroad experience.

Once they arrived at the hotel and were assigned rooms, Merlin went to put his case away. His roommate was Gwaine, and he seemed much friendlier than Arthur had been.

“Do you snore?” Gwaine asked, dropping one of his large bags on the floor near one of the beds.

“No.” Merlin propped his lone bag against the wall near the other bed. “Do you?”

“You’ll have to tell me,” Gwaine said, grinning.

Merlin chuckled, thinking that was a bizarre answer. “All right.”

“Let’s go find Gwen,” Gwaine said, leading the way down the hallway. He stuck his head in a few rooms until he found her and her roommate. “Hey there,” he said, striding right in without waiting for an invitation. “I’m Gwaine.”

Gwen’s roommate shook his hand. “Elena, hi.”

“This is Merlin,” Gwaine said. “He’s shy.”

“I’m not shy,” Merlin protested.

Gwaine sat down on the edge of one of the girls’s beds. “How was your flight?” he asked Elena.

“I hate flying,” she said cheerfully, “but the guy I sat next to was really nice about it.”

“That’s lucky. What are we doing next?”

“Didn’t you listen to what Kilgharrah said in the lobby?” Gwen asked.

“No.” Gwaine grinned.

Gwen rolled her eyes, but she was smiling. “We’re doing dinner down the street in an hour. Then we’re free for the night. In the morning we’re going to our host families.”

“Should we try to find a pub after dinner, then?” Gwaine asked.

Gwen shrugged. “I imagine that’s what everyone will want to do, yeah.”

“I’m in,” Elena said.

Everyone turned to look at Merlin.

“Oh,” he said, his brain still a little foggy from the flight. “Yeah, that sounds good.”

“That’s that, then. Hey Merls, I’m going to grab a nap before dinner. Come get me before you leave.” Gwaine pushed himself off the bed and headed for the door.

“It’s Merlin,” Merlin said.

Gwaine blinked at him. “What’s Merlin?”

“My name,” Merlin said. “Not ‘Merls’.”

Gwaine looked amused. “Merlin it is, then,” he said before going back to their room.

“Not into nicknames?” Gwen asked.

“My mum calls me Merls,” Merlin explained. “It sounds weird coming from him.”

Gwen smiled and went over to the window and took a look out over the city. “This place is beautiful. I can’t wait until we start going on sightseeing tours.”

“Hey,” a guy said, appearing in the doorway. “We’re thinking of getting a group together after dinner to go exploring. You in?”

“We’re trying to find a pub,” Elena answered. “Do you want to come in?”

He stepped inside, and Arthur followed him.

“This is Lance,” Elena said to Gwen and Merlin. “He sat next to me on the plane.”

Lance waved as Gwen and Merlin introduced themselves.

“And I’m Arthur,” Arthur said, looking between Gwen and Elena. “Lance and I are bunked together.”

“What pub are you going to?” Lance asked.

Gwen shrugged. “Don’t know yet. I guess we were just planning to walk until we found something. Gwaine was sort of our ringleader, but he went to nap.”

“Gwaine?” Arthur asked.

“He was the guy sitting next to Gwen on the plane,” Merlin reminded him. Arthur didn’t look like he had any recollection of that part of their brief conversation.

Lance came farther into the room to sit on the edge of a low dresser. “Where’s everyone from?” he asked.

By the time they had to go collect Gwaine for dinner, the group had shared their hometowns, where else they had travelled, their top touristy priority for the semester, and—for whatever reason—their favourite animal.

Gwaine was extremely groggy when Merlin woke him up, but he followed everyone down to the hotel lobby anyway. Kilgharrah led their group a few doors down to the restaurant. Tallinn felt entirely new to Merlin. It wasn’t like London, where he went to uni, and it wasn’t like Ealdor, where he’d grown up. It was something in between. A city, but small. A town, but large. The sky was a pleasant shade of blue, the buildings were low and charming, and Merlin buzzed with the knowledge that he was elsewhere, abroad, experiencing a different culture.

Kilgharrah had chosen all of their dinners beforehand, so all they had to do was wait for the food to be brought out. They were served smoked fish and a drink called _kvass_ which was apparently fermented from rye bread. It tasted like something close to beer, but not quite. Merlin almost liked it, but he ended up giving most of his glass to Gwaine, who seemed to love it.

After they were all done dinner, some of the students went back to the hotel, but Gwaine corralled a decent sized group and led them down the street as he searched for a pub. As they walked, Merlin tried to take in more of the city, but he felt full and a little hazy, almost like he was already a little drunk even though the little _kvass_ shouldn’t have had any effect.

It didn’t take long to find a pub, and after everyone ordered their drinks, Merlin found himself squished between Arthur and Gwaine in a booth with Gwen, Elena, and Lance across from them.

“To Tallinn,” Gwaine shouted, raising his beer.

“To Tallinn!” everyone chorused.

Merlin knocked his glass against Gwen’s before taking a sip. Based on what the bartender had said, it was a local beer, and it was good. The drinking company was good, too. Gwen was sweet, Elena was funny, Lance was nice—and very pretty to look at—and Gwaine seemed to really enjoy his role as rambunctious leader of the group. It was really only Arthur who was a little hard to handle. He didn’t say much, but when he did speak it seemed like he thought he was better than everyone there. No one else seemed bothered by it, though—least of all Gwaine, who laughed uproariously every time Arthur said something a bit haughty—so Merlin did his best not to dwell.

“You’re awfully quiet,” Gwaine said to Merlin when they were on their second round of drinks.

“Yeah,” Merlin agreed. “I’m think I’m tired from the flight.”

‘Tired’ wasn’t exactly what it was, but there was definitely something that was off, and the flight seemed the likeliest explanation.

“It wasn’t that long,” Arthur pointed out.

“No,” Merlin agreed. “I don’t know, maybe I didn’t sleep well last night. I was too excited about today.”

“That’s adorable,” Gwaine said, wrapping an arm around Merlin’s shoulders and giving him a shake. “Well, _sõber_, you made it here in one piece.”

“Cheers.”

Gwaine left his arm around Merlin’s shoulders for a while, and Merlin did his best not to read into it. Gwaine had definitely been flirting with Gwen earlier in the day, and it seemed unlikely he would choose this indirect way to make a move on Merlin. It still felt a little more intimate than he probably meant it to, though. Or maybe that was just Merlin’s head. He really did feel weird.

“I think I’m going to head to bed,” Merlin said when Gwaine suggested another round.

“Aw, come on,” Gwaine said, giving Merlin another shake. “Aren’t you having fun?”

“I am,” Merlin said. “I’m just tired. I’ll see you tomorrow, yeah?”

“All right.” Gwaine scooted out of the booth to let Merlin out. “I’ll try not to be too loud when I come back to the room.”

Merlin didn’t really believe it was possible for Gwaine to be quiet, but he appreciated the thought. He waved to everyone and headed back to the hotel, rubbing his temples.

The flight had really done a number on him, apparently.

He hurried back to his room as quickly as possible. Then he changed into his pyjamas, cleaned his teeth, and crawled into his bed, pulling one of the pillows over his face to block out the glow of street lights coming through the window.

~~~~

In the morning, Merlin’s headache was mostly gone, but he did feel a little nauseous. Wishing he had been able to pack some of his herbs to whip up a cure, he searched through his hand luggage for a paracetamol, thinking that that would be better than nothing.

Gwaine was thoroughly passed out—and snoring—as Merlin moved around the room to get ready for the day. He showered, got dressed, and repacked his bags all before Gwaine even opened an eye.

“Fuck,” Gwaine mumbled when he was finally up. “What time is it?”

“8:45. We’re meant to meet downstairs for breakfast at 9, I think.”

Gwaine gave an exaggerated groan.

“How was the rest of your night?” Merlin asked, amused and glad he’d left when he had.

“Fun,” Gwaine said before rolling over and planting his face in a pillow.

“Do you want to skip breakfast?”

“No,” Gwaine said, his voice muffled. “I just don’t want to move.”

“You can do it.”

“Help me up?” Gwaine asked, rolling onto his back again.

Laughing, Merlin walked over and grabbed Gwaine’s hands to pull him up. Gwaine resisted, but after a brief struggle Merlin managed to get Gwaine on his feet.

Gwaine smirked at how close they were standing. “Good morning.”

Merlin took a step back. “Morning. Breakfast in 10 minutes.” With that, he grabbed his case and hand luggage and headed down to the lobby.

Gwen and Elena were already there, also with their bags and also looking like they’d had a ‘fun’ night.

“Hi Merlin,” Gwen said around a yawn. “How’d you sleep?”

“Fine. You?”

“What is sleep?” Elena asked in a monotone voice.

“Didn’t get much,” Gwen said with a sigh. “We should have left when you did.”

“Sounds like you had a good time, though.”

“Gwen’s got all the hot boys pining after her already,” Elena said.

Gwen flushed. “I do not!”

“You do,” Elena said firmly, and Gwen pouted.

Arthur and Lance appeared next, both of them looking a little worse for the wear, and Gwaine only barely made it in time before they were all lugging their bags out of the hotel and into a bus.

“Where’s breakfast?” Gwaine grunted as he shoved his bag into the back of the bus.

“Same place as dinner, I think,” Arthur said, lifting one of his bags with ease and chucking it over Gwaine’s head.

“Mr Muscles,” Gwaine muttered, and Arthur chuckled.

After all their bags were safely locked in the bus, Kilgharrah led the group back to the same restaurant as the night before, and they were all served eggs and some sort of porridge for breakfast. Merlin felt sicker the more the ate, and he wondered if he was coming down with something.

Once the last person had finished their breakfast, everyone loaded themselves into the bus so Kilgharrah could start dropping people off at their new temporary homes. Luckily, Merlin was in the first group to be dropped off. Arthur and a girl named Mithian also had host families living in the same block of flats.

“Here you are,” Kilgharrah said, handing out folders full of papers to each of them. “Here’s directions to the school and some maps of your neighbourhood. You’ll have the rest of the weekend to yourselves, and on Monday the group will be meeting at the university so you can sign up for your classes. Any questions?”

No one said anything for a moment, and then an old man came out of the building.

“Ah, Gaius, _tere_,” Kilgharrah said. “Merlin, this is Gaius. You’ll be staying with him.”

“Hello,” Gaius said, holding out his hand.

“_Tere_,” Merlin said.

“Do you want come in?” Gaius had a soft, barely-there accent, and it was clear he spoke English very well. “Your room is all ready for you.”

“Yes, thank you.” Merlin grabbed his bags off the van and followed Gaius inside, waving back at where Arthur and Mithian were still waiting for their hosts.

Gaius led him to the lifts and pressed the button for the 15th floor. The lift was small, barely big enough for the both of them with Merlin’s bags, and rickety. It did nothing to ease the pain in Merlin’s stomach.

“How was your trip?” Gaius asked when they reached his floor.

“I think I’m still feeling it.”

Gaius hummed and let Merlin into his flat. It was small—just the hallway, one bedroom, the living room, and the kitchen.

“You can put your things in here,” Gaius said, indicating the bedroom.

“Where are you sleeping?” Merlin asked, alarmed.

“The sofa pulls out,” Gaius said.

“I can stay there,” Merlin said quickly. “Really. You can keep your room.”

“Nonsense,” Gaius said, smiling generously. “You’re a guest. I have students here every semester, I promise the sofa treats me just fine.”

“Are you sure?” Merlin asked, feeling guilty.

“I’m sure, and I won’t have you making a fuss. Put your things down and come join me for tea.”

Feeling that he couldn’t argue with that, Merlin dragged his bag into the bedroom. There was a desk and a dresser as well as the bed, and a large window with nice curtains. The wallpaper was hideous.

Merlin dropped his hand luggage on the bed and sat next to it, rubbing his temples. The pain killers he’d taken earlier were already rubbing off. He was glad he had the weekend to rest, but he really wished he had his herbs. He was sure he would be able to concoct something to take care of whatever it was that was ailing him.

When he went into the kitchen, Gaius was already sitting down with two steaming mugs.

“So, Merlin,” Gaius said, sliding one of the mugs over as Merlin sat down. “Tell me about yourself.”

Merlin blew into his tea. “I’m studying history,” he said.

“Baltic history?”

“European.”

“How old are you?”

“20.”

Gaius nodded, and Merlin took a sip of his tea to test the temperature. It was too hot, but his head immediately felt a little better, so he took another sip.

“What’s in this?” he asked, sniffing at it.

“Tea,” Gaius said dismissively.

Merlin took another sip, and the ache in his stomach lessened.

“How did you get into hosting students?” he asked to be polite.

“I studied in England,” Gaius said, which explained his accent and fluency. “When I moved back, I used to host my English friends when they came to visit. Most of them are dead now, so I thought I’d open my home up to the younger generations.”

“That’s very nice of you.”

“I like doing it,” Gaius said.

Merlin’s mobile buzzed in his pocket and he hurried to check it.

“It’s my mum,” he said to Gaius. “Do you mind if I—”

“Not at all, please.”

“Thanks.” Merlin grabbed his tea and went back to his room. “Hi Mum.”

“Hi Merlin,” Hunith said, excited. “How are you? How was your trip?”

“It was all right,” Merlin said, gently closing the door. “I felt fine on the plane, but I’ve been feeling kind of off ever since we landed.”

“Well, that was your first flight. Maybe your body is still adjusting.”

“Is it normal to take this long?”

Hunith paused. “Well, no, but when have you ever been normal?”

“I guess.”

“Where are you now?”

“With my host family.”

“Oh? Who are you staying with?”

“This man named Gaius. He’s nice. His tea is doing wonders,” Merlin said before taking another sip. The tension in his head eased a little bit more.

“That’s good. Well, I won’t keep you. I just wanted to hear your voice.”

“It’s good to hear yours. I’ll try to Skype you next weekend if I can figure out the internet.”

“All right. Have a good day, Merls. I love you.”

“Love you, too, Mum,” Merlin said before ending the call.

He saw that he had two text messages, both from an unknown number.

**HEY. It’s Gwaine. We’re meeting up tonight for dinner if you want to come**

Merlin had completely forgotten he’d given Gwaine his number at the pub the night before. The second message was also from Gwaine.

**You’re coming.**

Merlin chuckled and added Gwaine as a contact before responding.

_ **Guess that means I’m coming. Just let me know where/when** _

He went back to the kitchen where Gaius was still sitting and drinking his tea.

“How is your mother?” he asked kindly as Merlin sat back down.

“Good. Um, I got an invitation to go out to dinner with some of the other students tonight,” Merlin said, feeling a little guilty at abandoning his host family so soon. “If that’s all right.”

Gaius smiled like he had been expecting it. “Of course. I’ll serve lunch in a bit and we can get to know each other a little better then, yes? Why don’t you go get properly settled? And finish your tea.”

Merlin hurried to gulp down the rest of his tea, feeling exceptionally normal by the last dregs. “Thank you,” he said sincerely. “I feel much better.”

“Good.” Gaius stood and took their cups to the sink, and Merlin went to go start unpacking.

~~~~

That night, Merlin met up with Gwaine, Gwen, Lance, and Elena in a park close to Gwaine’s host family’s flat. The park was small, only one block long, but it felt friendly. It was very green, and there were benches, and all the surrounding buildings were pleasant, earthy colours.

“Where’s Arthur?” Gwaine asked as soon as Merlin found them.

“Why should I know?”

Gwaine frowned. “I gave him your number, told him to coordinate with you to come together.”

Merlin shrugged. “Well, I didn’t hear anything from him.”

“That’s—oh, there he is,” Gwaine said, pointing in the opposite direction from where Merlin had come. Sure enough, Arthur was approaching them. Gwaine waved him over. “Why didn’t you come with Merlin?” he asked.

“I was already out,” Arthur said, shrugging.

“See anything interesting?” Gwaine asked. Then, before Arthur could respond, he said, “I found a place a few streets over that looks good. Shall we?”

Everyone followed Gwaine to the restaurant, and they ended up mostly ordering more smoked fish.

“What are you studying?” Lance asked after they had ordered. His question seemed to be directed to the group even though his eyes were trained on Gwen.

“Literature,” she said. “You, too, right?”

Lance nodded, and Gwen started quizzing him on his favourite books and genres.

“What about you?” Gwaine asked Elena.

“History,” she said. “I like WWII and the Soviet Union. I’m not really fond of the Russian government, so I decided to come study here instead.”

“Makes sense. Although, for all I know, the Estonian government could be just as bad,” Gwaine said. “I didn’t really read up on it before I came here.”

“What are you studying, then?”

“Art history. Architecture, mostly. I’m excited to see Old Town.”

Elena launched into the history of Old Town, and Gwaine seemed to be hanging onto her every word.

“What are you studying?” Merlin asked, attempting to make conversation with Arthur.

“Computer science,” Arthur said shortly. “And philosophy.”

“That’s an interesting combination.” Arthur shrugged, and Merlin took a sip of his water, trying not to feel awkward. “So… how’d you end up coming to Estonia?”

“To piss off my dad.”

“Oh,” Merlin said, slightly taken aback. “That’s…”

“What about you?” Arthur asked.

“I guess I’m also here because of my dad,” Merlin admitted. “Not to piss him off, though. He’s dead. He was from here.”

Arthur nodded and interrupted Gwen and Lance’s conversation to talk about how he also liked a book Lance had just mentioned. Merlin sighed and took another sip of his water, wondering what had crawled up Arthur’s arse.

Once the food came, the conversations opened up a bit more, and Merlin ended up talking to Gwaine and Elena about what Estonian sights he was excited to see. He had a whole itinerary of places he wanted to go, comprised of anything and everything mentioned in his father’s journals.

“Once I’m a little more familiar with the city, I’m going to go exploring on the weekends,” Merlin said.

“Aren’t we going to all those places on program excursions?” Gwaine asked. “Kilgharrah gave me a whole cultural schedule.”

“Yeah, some of them. There’s more I want to see that aren’t on there.”

“I’m looking forward to the day trips,” Elena said. “Like, it’s cool we don’t just have to stay in Tallinn the whole time.”

“Bored already?” Gwaine teased.

They went back to chatting, and just as Merlin was thinking of excusing himself and going home for more of Gaius’s tea, Arthur announced that he was leaving. Not particularly wanting to travel home with Arthur, Merlin waited another 15 minutes before heading out.

He took a bus to a few blocks away from Gaius’s flat and then walked the rest of the way, going slowly and enjoying the night despite the cold January air. He was starting to like Tallinn. It didn’t really feel like a home, but it felt something close to it. He imagined after a few months it would grown on him even more.

As he approached the block of flats, he heard raised voices. He could see two figures up ahead, and as he got closer he realised one of them was Arthur.

“I told you,” Arthur was saying, “I’m not getting a drink with you.”

“Come on,” the other man said, his voice accented and his speech slurred. “Come on.”

“No.”

“Come on!”

“Hey,” Merlin said as he reached them. “What’s going on?”

“He won’t get a drink with me,” the Estonian man whined. “I want to hang out with the American.”

“I keep telling him I’m not American,” Arthur said, exasperated.

“Why don’t you just go inside?” Merlin asked.

“He followed me all the way from the bus stop.”

Merlin frowned and turned to the drunk man. “We’re not American, and we’re not interested. Come on, Arthur. You stay where you are,” he added to the stranger.

The man made some pathetic whinging noises but stayed put as Merlin and Arthur walked the last block to their building.

“Thanks,” Arthur said when they reached the front door. “I couldn’t shake him.”

“You just have to be firm.”

“I was firm! He wouldn’t leave me alone. Kept saying he wanted to get a lemonade.”

Merlin chuckled and unlocked the door, letting Arthur inside first. He double checked that the man hadn’t followed them, but he couldn’t see anyone around.

“A lemonade sounds good,” Merlin said, following Arthur to the lifts.

“Too much sugar before bed,” Arthur replied.

Merlin didn’t really have anything to say in response to that, so they waited for the lift in silence. After what felt like an age, there was a ding and the lift doors finally opened.

“What floor are you?” Arthur asked, pressing the button for the 11th floor.

“15.”

Arthur pressed that button, too, and the doors closed.

“Thanks again,” Arthur said quietly. “I’m glad you were there.”

“It’s no problem.”

The lift dinged again, and Arthur stepped off on his floor. “Have a good night,” he said as the door closed.

“See you,” Merlin called out.

He rode up to 15th floor and found Gaius already shut up in the living room for the night. Merlin went to his room and turned on the small telly that sat on one corner of the desk. He flipped through the channels, mostly just listening to the sounds of the Estonian language until he could barely hold up the remote, and then he went to bed.

~~~~

Merlin spent his first week in Tallinn feeling ill as soon as he woke up as well as during the afternoon when he was at school and didn’t have access to Gaius’s tea. He couldn’t even enjoy his classes from how miserable he felt. His professors all seemed nice—they all spoke perfect English—and their subjects were all interesting, but Merlin could barely make it through their classes. The best part of studying abroad so far was doing his readings at home, accompanied by a mug of Gaius’s tea.

He didn’t understand what was going on with his body, and he definitely didn’t understand why Gaius’s tea seemed to be the only thing that helped. It looked like Gaius made his own brew. The tea bags had no tags and were tied up as if by hand. Merlin had stolen one and opened it in his room, trying to decipher the ingredients. There were definitely herbs, but everything was dried and mashed up and mixed in with the tea leaves, and Merlin hadn’t studied plants enough to figure it out. He could pick out hints of ginger and cinnamon, but that was it.

On Thursday, Merlin came home from uni with the worst headache yet. He felt like he was going to be sick if he didn’t lie down as soon as he walked in the door.

“Sit, sit,” Gaius said when he saw how pale Merlin was. “Tea. I’ll put on the kettle.”

Merlin sat gingerly at the kitchen table and rested his head in his hands. He tried to focus on his breathing rather than the pounding in his temples.

“Gaius,” he croaked. “What’s in your tea?”

“It’s just tea,” Gaius said. “Don’t you like it?”

Merlin shook his head, considering for the first time that Gaius might be poisoning him.

Not that that made any sense at all. What motive would Gaius possibly have?

“Drink up,” Gaius said as soon as he had poured a cup. He pushed it across the table and Merlin sniffed at it, hoping the aroma would help while he waited for it too cool down. “Can I get you anything else?” Gaius asked as he sat down.

“No, thank you.” Merlin blew into his tea and took a too-hot sip. He could feel the muscles in his forehead relaxing. “Gaius,” he said, his voice low. “What’s in the tea?”

“Herbs,” Gaius said after a moment. “I like to make my own tea.”

“Why is it the only thing that makes me feel normal? What’s going on?”

Gaius said nothing, and Merlin continued blowing into his tea.

“Tell me about your childhood,” Gaius said out of nowhere. “What were you like?”

“Poor,” Merlin said shortly.

“Yes, and… anything else? No funny stories, no shenanigans?”

“Why do you ask?”

“Just trying to help keep your mind off the pain,” Gaius said innocently.

Merlin took a deep breath and looked around the kitchen, studying every inch until he found what he was looking for—a sign of magic. Gaius had left one of his cupboard doors slightly ajar, and Merlin could see a few unmarked vials sitting on the shelves inside. One of them looked like it was glowing.

“My mother told me when I was 16,” he said, staring down at his tea. “How did you know?”

“Know what?”

Merlin glared at him. “The magic.”

Gaius looked surprised for a moment, and then he sighed in relief. “I wasn’t sure if you knew about yourself.”

“How did _you_ know?” Merlin pressed.

“I’ve seen the symptoms before,” Gaius explained. “When you come to a new place, it can take a while to acclimate to the different magic in the air. It’s a different kind of environment. Drink up.”

Merlin took a long gulp and closed his eyes as the warmth spread through him and eased more of the tension in his head.

“Should only take a week or two before you won’t need it,” Gaius said. “That’s how it was for the last boy, at least.”

“You’ve had other students with magic?” Merlin asked.

Gaius nodded. “The last one didn’t know. I thought you might be the same. What do you know about yourself?”

“My father had magic,” Merlin said, his head still throbbing a little. “He was from here. I have his journals, his spell books. I’m trying to… connect, I guess.”

“Connect with what?”

“With him. With my magic. I don’t really understand it. I’m not very good at it. I don’t know what I’m supposed to do with it.”

“You don’t have to do anything with it,” Gaius said. “It can just be a fact. It doesn’t have to become your whole life.”

Merlin shook his head, thinking Gaius wouldn’t understand. His magic hummed beneath his skin all the time. He couldn’t just live with that like it was nothing. It was _something_, and he was meant to do _something_ with it. He just didn’t know what.

He didn’t know how, either. He’d gotten the hang of a few spells, but generally he didn’t know what he was doing. The thing he was best at was mixing herbs into potions, and that never really _felt_ like magic. It didn’t do anything to quell the constant rumbling under his skin. It was just something interesting he could do.

“Thank you for the tea,” he said. “It helps.”

“Good. Hopefully this passes for you soon. I’ll give you some before you leave, to help the transition back to your home. The sudden change can be hard, even when you’re going back to an area you’re familiar with.”

Merlin nodded his thanks and finished off his tea. He felt significantly better. It was almost like he’d never had a headache in the first place.

“Can I tempt you with some dinner?” Gaius asked. “I’d like to hear more about you.”

Merlin agreed and let Gaius serve him some fish and potatoes.

“Did you know your father?” Gaius asked. “You speak of him in the past tense.”

“I didn’t know him. But when he died when I was 16, he left me his books. That’s when my mum told me.”

“Had you suspected about yourself?”

Merlin shrugged and took a bite of fish. “I always felt… a little different. But I figured everyone thinks of themselves as special, that’s part of being human. I thought maybe everyone felt the way I felt. Turns out they don’t.”

“How do you feel?” Gaius asked, an eyebrow raised in curiosity.

“Don’t you know?” Merlin asked. “You have it, too, don’t you?”

Gaius shook his head. “Oh, no. I’m an amateur. I don’t have a spark of magic in me. I’ve studied it, I understand the principles, I can manipulate potions and remedies, but I don’t have real magic. Nothing like what you have.”

Merlin didn’t know how Gaius could possibly know what he had. “It feels… big,” he said. “Like there’s something bigger than me that lives inside of me. And when I use it, it feels like it fills up all this space around me, like it grows to its full size.”

Gaius’s eyebrow stayed arched. “That sounds…”

“Ridiculous, I know. But that’s how it feels. When I can manage it.”

“That sounds wonderful,” Gaius decided. “I’m glad your mother told you the truth.”

“Me, too. I only wish I’d known sooner. I’ve been reading everything I can of my dad’s, but I feel like I’ll never master it..” Merlin looked over at the bowl of tea bags and the up at the cupboard of vials. “Do you have magic books?”

“Oh, I have a few,” Gaius said casually. “They’re nothing special.”

“I’m sure they are,” Merlin said excitedly. “Could I see them?”

Gaius smiled and nodded. “After you eat your dinner.”

Merlin scarfed down his food, and then he followed Gaius into the living room. There was a bookcase filled up with what looked like standard novels in English and Estonian. Gaius pressed his hand to the side of it, pushing it against the wall, and it spun around to reveal the backside, another bookcase. Each shelf was piled high with what looked like ancient texts. Gaius’s books looked older and more comprehensive than anything Merlin had inherited from his father.

“Holy shit,” Merlin breathed. “I mean, sorry. Wow. This is…”

“Just some things I’ve picked up over the years,” Gaius said. Despite his dismissive tone, Merlin could tell he was proud of his collection. “You’re welcome to read anything you like.”

Merlin brushed his fingers over a few cracked and broken book spines. “Where should I start?”

Gaius chose an enormous tome from a middle shelf. “This is a good one if you’re interested in some of the local lore and spells.”

Merlin lifted it carefully into his arms. “Thank you, Gaius,” he said. “This is what I came to Tallinn for.”

“For my books?” Gaius teased.

“For the magic,” Merlin said. “For my father. I know he studied magic here, too.”

“Your real studies are at the university,” Gaius said, adopting a fatherly tone. “But you’re welcome in here during your free time. Just be careful. These are very old.”

“I promise,” Merlin said. He took the book into his room and poured over it late into the night.

~~~~

Merlin spent his weekend cooped up in his bedroom, reading Gaius’s books and ignoring the outside world. Not all of the books were in English, but he could muddle through the Estonian ones with the help of his dictionaries. He found himself practising spells late into the night, relishing the feeling of new magic now that it wasn't making him ill. He loved having more spells to study and more potions to learn.

It was all he could do to not skip his classes the next week in favour of reading Gaius's books. He managed to get through everything, though, and the next weekend, Kilgharrah took the program students on a tour of a mediaeval church that boasted the oldest clock in the city. It looked small from the outside, but once they were inside the soaring ceilings made for quite a large impression.

Merlin loved it. It felt old and special in a way that was similar to magic. It wasn’t magic—at least not that he could feel—but it had a certain something that made him feel calm and sort of wondrous. The altar was exquisitely carved, the stained glass windows were beautiful and moody, and the balcony panels were finely painted. Merlin took as many photos as he could, loving the colours and the sense of history in the place.

On the outside of the building was the old clock, and even that was beautiful. Its background was blue and there was a sun in the middle, its rays stretching out to each number. Merlin took photos of that, too, charmed by the idea of it being notable in any way.

After everyone else had finished taking their photos, Kilgharrah led the group across the street to the city’s oldest café.

“Have you started exploring yet?” Gwaine asked as he settled down at Merlin’s table with his tea and pastries.

“Not yet,” Merlin said. He’d been too distracted by Gaius’s books.

“Let’s find somewhere to go tomorrow,” Gwaine suggested. “Somewhere more interesting than a church.”

“What’s more interesting that a church?” Gwen asked, joining them.

“Literally anything. What’s on your list?” Gwaine asked Merlin.

Merlin pulled out his mobile and opened up his notes app to see what might be a reasonable first stop.

“We could go to the botanic garden,” he suggested.

“Yes,” Gwen said excitedly. “I wanted to go there, too.”

“Sounds good to me,” Gwaine said. He leaned back in his chair and called over to another table where Arthur and Lance were sitting with Elena. “Oy! Botanic garden tomorrow?” The group nodded and Gwaine turned back to Gwen and Merlin. “Let’s do it.”

~~~~

The next morning, Merlin woke up feeling normal for the first time since arriving in Tallinn. He drank some of Gaius's tea anyway, just in case, and had a quick breakfast before going out. He was meant to meet up with Arthur just outside their building at 10am, although he wasn’t exactly looking forward to travelling together.

Merlin was surprised to see Arthur waiting for him with Mithian. He hadn't realised she and Arthur were friendly.

"Come on," Arthur said as soon as Merlin reached them.

"Hi," Merlin said to Mithian as they took off, not sure why Arthur had decided there wasn't any time for pleasantries. "How are you?"

"Cold," she said, adjusting her scarf. "But I suppose I'll live. Do you think any of the plants at this garden will actually be alive?"

"I think they have some indoor exhibits," Merlin said. "Hopefully there's at least something."

"Why are we going if you're not sure?" Arthur asked.

"People wanted to go. If it’s rubbish, we can just find something else to do."

Arthur didn't look impressed by Merlin's answer.

"I'm looking forward to it," Mithian said, and Merlin appreciated her attempting to keep the peace.

"I'm sure it'll be fine," Merlin agreed.

The three of them got on a bus, and Gwaine, Lance, Gwen, and Elena joined them a few stops later.

"This is cosy," Gwaine said as he sat down in front of Merlin and Mithian and pulled Gwen into the seat next to him. Lance and Elena joined Arthur on the other side of the aisle. "Hey, Mithian."

"Hi."

"Didn't realise you'd be joining us." Gwaine grinned at her. "The more the merrier."

Merlin watched, feeling like a third wheel, as Gwaine started up a long flirtation with Mithian. It was ridiculous, he thought, that Gwaine was so comfortable putting on such a show right in front of Gwen, who he was definitely also still flirting with, not to mention Elena.

When he got too uncomfortable, Merlin climbed over Mithian to sit next to Arthur instead. He and Lance were talking about some computer game Merlin had never heard of, so he tapped Elena on the shoulder, and she turned around to chat with him.

"How're your classes going?" he asked.

"Oh, they're perfect," Elena said excitedly. "I'm taking a WWII history course, and we're going to be going on walking tours of the city in the spring. I love getting to see exactly where history happened."

"History's happening right now," Merlin said. "What if one of us becomes famous and writes an autobiography about this very day?"

"There'd better not be any war involved."

Merlin laughed and plied her with more questions about her classes, enjoying how passionate she was.

The bus ride was long, nearly an hour, but eventually they reached the gardens. They each paid an entrance fee, and Gwen led everyone straight to the palm house.

"This is much better," Mithian said, unwrapping her scarf once they were inside.

Merlin hung back from the rest of the group and pulled up a photo of his dad's journal that he'd taken the night before. He had written that the air vibrated around certain plants. The air felt normal to Merlin so far, so he stepped farther into the room.

He walked around for a while, but nothing stood out to him. He wondered if maybe he didn't have the ability to sense differences in the air. He hadn't noticed anything when he'd first come to Tallinn, after all, he'd just gotten sick from it without having any idea as to why.

They visited the succulents next, and, again, Merlin didn't find anything different about the air. He was disappointed, but he tried not to let it get to him.

"These are pretty," he said, stepping up next to where Gwen was admiring some yellow blossoms on a fat spiky leaf.

"I want one for my hair," she said, and Merlin laughed.

"Pretty sure you aren't supposed to touch anything," he reminded her.

Gwen shrugged and moved onto the next plant. Merlin followed her for a while, talking over all the different colours of flowers she would like to wear in her hair. Once they'd made the rounds, they bundled back up and headed out to the rock garden.

Merlin went over to some tall purple flowers and immediately felt a shiver run through him. He paused, trying to tell if it was just the cold or if he was actually feeling something magical. He bent down to smell the flower, and it did feel like the air was vibrating. The air felt tight, close, and he could almost see it shimmering.

The plant held some sort of magical property, and he could _feel_ it. He could feel it in his bones, and his own magic was responding in kind. It felt like his magic was reaching out, embracing the shimmering, shivering air, drawing energy from it.

He wondered if his dad had felt this exact same way.

"Hey," Lance said, coming up next to him. "We're thinking of figuring out lunch."

Merlin wiped his eyes, pretending to rub his nose to keep it warm.

"Yeah," he said. "I'll do whatever. We can leave if people are cold."

He didn't want to leave, but he didn't know how much more he could take. It was overwhelming.

"I think that might be what we do," Lance said apologetically. "I know you wanted to look at everything, but—"

"No, it's fine," Merlin said quickly. "We can go. I've seen enough."

When Lance turned to call over the rest of the group, Merlin plucked one the purple flowers and shoved it in his pocket before anyone could see.

"Merlin's done as well," Lance said when everyone was gathered around them. "What do you guys want to do for lunch?"

"We can go to the TV Tower," Elena said, looking at a map she'd unfolded. "There's a restaurant and an observation deck."

Everyone quickly agreed and they left quickly. Merlin followed, but not before taking one last breath of the strange air in the rock garden.

Merlin enjoyed his lunch and the views from the observatory deck, but all he could think about at the TV Tower was getting back and talking to Gaius about the air around the flowers. He wanted to see if any of Gaius's books mentioned the phenomenon. He wanted to reread his father's journal entry about the botanical garden.

The group got back on the bus after lunch, and Merlin sat quietly by himself, watching out the window and still thinking about the purple flowers.

"Merlin," Arthur snapped when the bus home reached their stop.

"Sorry," Merlin said, scrambling out of his seat. He exited the bus with Arthur and Mithian and followed them back to their block of flats.

"HEY!" someone shouted.

Merlin glanced around and saw an old woman sitting on a bench nearby. He was sure she wasn't shouting at them—except, she had shouted in English.

"HEY!" she shouted again.

Arthur and Mithian stopped walking and looked over at the woman.

"What are you doing here?" she asked.

"Walking," Merlin answered.

"Not you," she said, shaking her head. She pointed at Arthur. _"You."_

Arthur looked completely unfazed. "Walking," he said.

"You don't belong here," she said. "You know why."

Arthur looked worried for a moment, then he scoffed and turned away, heading towards their block of flats. Mithian followed.

Merlin stayed put, trying to make sense of the interaction. Then the woman stood up and started following Arthur and Mithian. She was moving much faster than an old woman should have.

Coughing to cover up the sound of his spell, Merlin knocked over a bin with his magic. The magic fell clumsily out of him, eager for a chance to do something, and the bin crashed down at just the right moment. The woman toppled over it in an almost comical manner.

Merlin hurried to catch up with Arthur and Mithian.

"What happened?" Mithian asked, looking at the woman with concern.

"Dunno," Merlin lied. "Let's get inside." He hurried them down the rest of the street and ushered them into the building. "What was that about?" he asked Arthur.

"How should I know?"

"She acted like she knew you."

"She was crazy," Arthur said sensibly. "I don't know anyone in this city."

"It was just a weird old woman," Mithian said.

Merlin didn't want to drop it, but he didn't want to have an argument either, so he followed Arthur and Mithian into the lifts.

When Mithian got off on the 7th floor, Merlin tried again.

"Are you sure you didn't know her? You looked scared."

"Of course I was scared," Arthur said angrily. "There was a strange woman screaming at me. Jesus, Merlin, just drop it."

He looked annoyed, but under that he looked worried, and Merlin decided not to push. For now.

When he reached Gaius's flat, he found it empty. He went into his room and lay down on his bed, replaying the last few minutes. He had never used magic so easily before. Usually he had to be concentrating, reciting the spell in his head a few times before saying it out loud, focused completely on the anticipated outcome. The magic he’d just used outside had been nothing like that. It had been like nothing to use. It had been right there, ready for him to use, ready to do whatever he asked of it. It had been so strange, so freeing, so _new_.

He didn’t know what to make of it.

Sitting up, he pulled the purple flower out of his pocket. It didn't feel like anything other than a flower. He guessed it needed to be alive and planted or maybe surrounded by others like it to create that strange feeling in the air.

He pressed it inside of his father's journal and went into the living room to see if he could find any books on Gaius's shelf about plants.

~~~~

The semester started picking up the next week, and Merlin found that he had less and less time each night for Gaius’s books. He had to focus on his history texts instead, and before he knew it, another whole week had passed.

When he got home from classes on Friday afternoon, he decided to give himself a break and take it easy for the rest of the day. He flipped through channels on the telly, wrote some in his journal about the rock garden from the previous weekend, and took a long bath since Gaius wasn’t home.

He relaxed in the tub, closing his eyes and reflecting on his semester so far. It was only a few weeks into it, but he was starting to enjoy his classes and the readings—it was fascinating to get a non-British view on European history. Even events he’d already studied seemed new due to the different books he was reading, the obscure facts he was learning, and the lectures he was being treated to.

The semester was everything he could have asked for. And Gaius’s books were even more. He never could have dreamt of having access to so much magical knowledge on his trip abroad. He’d thought he’d be stuck with only his father’s books forever, but Gaius had opened a whole new world for him. It was like a separate semester, studying magic on his own time. There were so many books to read, and so little time. Besides the botanical garden, he hadn’t even been making much effort to visit the locations from his father’s journals. Gaius’s books were too much of a draw, and he was probably learning more from them than he could from any excursion.

Eventually the water went cold, and Merlin got out of the bath. He was drying off in his room when he got a text message from Gwaine.

**MERLIN. Come out tonight?**

Merlin pulled on some pants and sat on the edge of his bed.

** _Where to?_ **

**Anywhere. Let’s go meet girls**

Merlin sighed and pulled a face before writing back.

** _I prefer boys_ **

**Boys are good too ;) We’ll figure something out, just come**

** _Fine_ **

**Bring Arthur**

_ **I don’t have his number** _

**How do you not have his number? What if your block of flats burns down?**

Merlin laughed.

** _How would having Arthur’s number help in that situation?_ **

**Shush**

After that, Gwaine sent a text with Arthur’s number, and Merlin added him as a contact.

**Meet at mine at 7**

** _K_ **

Merlin finished getting dressed and wasted some time watching the news—decidedly not texting Arthur—before heading out.

He found Arthur waiting by the bus stop anyway.

“Hey,” Merlin said. “Meeting up with Gwaine?”

“Yeah. Do you know who else is going?”

“The usual group, I guess.”

Arthur shrugged and busied himself on his mobile.

“Have you seen that woman again?” Merlin asked, deciding not to let Arthur ignore him.

“No, thankfully.” Arthur put his mobile in his pocket. “It was weird the way she tripped over that bin.”

“Maybe she kicked it over.”

“Why would she kick it over?”

“I don’t know,” Merlin said. “Why would she shout at you that you don’t belong here?”

Arthur shrugged, and it was hard to tell in the cold, but it looked like he was going red.

“So, um…” Merlin trailed off, annoyed that he and Arthur still didn’t have a basic rapport.

“You going on that camping trip in a few weeks?” Arthur asked.

“Yeah. It’ll be fun to see what it’s like outside of the city.”

Arthur murmured his agreement, and before Merlin could think of another topic, the bus arrived. It was too crowded for them to find seats together, which Merlin had no qualms about. He rode in the back while Arthur rode in the front, and they reunited on the pavement when they reached Gwaine’s stop.

Gwaine and Lance were already there, waiting for them.

“Lads night?” Arthur asked.

“Thought it might be fun. I found a hookah lounge.”

Gwaine led the way, and Merlin walked with him.

“How’d you find a hookah lounge?” he asked.

“Just wandered by it. Have you found anything good around your flat?”

“No,” Merlin said, although he hadn’t tried. He’d been too preoccupied with Gaius’s books to do much exploring.

“No? I thought you were all about getting out into the city?”

“I’ve been busy with coursework,” Merlin lied.

“Well. Glad I got you out tonight, then. It’s just here.”

Gwaine opened the door and everyone filed into the lounge. They ordered a few appetisers and a fruit-flavoured hookah as well as some beers.

“To me,” Gwaine said when he had a drink in hand. “Because otherwise you losers would never get out of your flats.”

Merlin chuckled and knocked his beer against Gwaine’s before taking a sip.

“I’m not that pathetic,” Arthur protested.

Gwaine shrugged. “Prove it.”

“Remember the last time we met up, I’d been out sight-seeing all day.”

“And since then?”

Arthur actually pouted. “I’ve had coursework, haven’t I?”

“Not _that_ much,” Gwaine said.

“Whatever.” Arthur took a sip of his beer. “What have _you_ done?”

“Found this place.”

Arthur grumbled, and Merlin smiled into his beer. He liked seeing Gwaine harass Arthur.

“What about you?” Gwaine asked Lance. “What have you been up to?”

“Went to a museum with Gwen the other day,” Lance said. “Our Tuesday class got cancelled.”

“Have you made a move yet?”

“What makes you think I want to make a move?” Lance asked.

“Mate,” Gwaine said, barely suppressing a grin. “You are not subtle.”

Lance shrugged, but Merlin could see him blushing.

“If you don’t make a move, I will,” Gwaine said. “Same goes for you and Mithian,” he added to Arthur.

“I thought you fancied Elena,” Arthur said smoothly.

“I’m leaving my options open.”

“That’s gross.”

Gwaine laughed and turned to Merlin. “What about you?”

“What about me?”

“Who do you fancy?”

“No one,” Merlin said quickly, and it was true. Gwaine, Lance, and Arthur were all attractive, but they were also all straight.

Gwaine kept staring at him expectantly, and Merlin sighed and took a long gulp of his beer.

“I’m gay, actually,” he said. “So, not really looking to hook up with any of the girls.”

“I’m sure we could find you a hot Estonian bloke,” Gwaine said.

“No, thanks.” Merlin glanced at Lance and Arthur as he took another drink. Neither of them looked particularly surprised at his coming out.

“Maybe I’ll find one for me, then.”

Arthur raised his eyebrows but said nothing. Lance just laughed.

“Considering how little you’ve bothered to learn of the language,” Merlin said, “I’d like to see you try that, actually.”

“I speak the international language, baby.”

Merlin groaned and pretended to vomit.

Their food arrived with their hookah, and Gwaine took the first hit. He leaned back as he exhaled, blowing several smoke rings into the air.

“Delicious,” he declared, passing the hose to Lance. Then, turning to Merlin, he asked, “So, do you have a boyfriend back home or anything?”

“Nope. Do any of you have girlfriends?”

Everyone shook their heads.

“Four single lads on the prowl,” Gwaine said happily. “This is going to be a good semester.”

“Cheers,” Arthur said.

“_Terviseks,_” Lance said before taking a hit off the hookah.

The rest of the night carried on in mostly the same vein, with Gwaine trying to get a rise out of everyone but only succeeding with Arthur. By the time they decided to leave, Arthur was fairly wasted from spite drinking.

“You good to get him home?” Gwaine asked as Merlin and Arthur’s bus pulled up.

“I’ll manage. Come on,” Merlin poked Arthur’s back and guided him onto the bus.

It was still too crowded for them to sit together, so Merlin pushed Arthur into a seat near the front and then went to stand in the back until their stop came up.

“This is us,” he said, grabbing at Arthur’s sleeve.

Arthur stood, swaying a little as the bus stopped, and followed Merlin onto the pavement.

“You shouldn’t let Gwaine get to you,” Merlin said as they headed to their block of flats.

“He’s ridiculous, and I love him,” Arthur said. “Also, I hate him.”

Merlin laughed. “You’re silly when you’re drunk.”

“I had a good time tonight.” Arthur draped his arm around Merlin’s shoulders. “Sorry if I’m a prat to you. I don’t mean to be.”

“What do you mean to be?”

“Myself.”

“So… your true self is a prat?”

“I guess.”

“And you’re apologising for that?”

“Yes.”

Merlin sniggered and pulled Arthur’s arm off. “No worries, I guess.” He could handle Arthur being a bit of a dick as long as he knew it wasn’t because Arthur looked down on him.

“I do like you,” Arthur said, his words slurring a bit. “You seem funny. Or fun. Something. Like, I want to hang out with you. I was—”

“HEY!”

Merlin looked around to see that same old lady sitting on the same bench.

“What the fuck?” he asked.

“Oh, shit,” Arthur said before taking off at a run. Luckily he was headed in the general direction of their building.

“What do you want?” Merlin shouted at the old woman.

“You should stay away from him,” she said. “Don’t you know what he is?”

“What are _you_?” Merlin asked. “Why won’t you leave him alone?”

She stood, and Merlin took a step back.

“He’s one of _them_,” she hissed, moving closer. “He _hunts_ your kind.”

Merlin hesitated for a moment and then knocked the bin over again, his magic flowing out practically before he’d called for it, and ran after Arthur. He found him by the front door, fumbling with his keys.

“Move,” Merlin said, unlocking the door and shoving Arthur inside. He glanced behind him and saw the woman getting up and moving towards them again. He slammed the door and turned back to Arthur. “What the fuck?”

“She’s crazy!” Arthur said, throwing up his hands.

“She knows you,” Merlin said. “Who is she?”

“I honestly have no idea. I need to get to bed,” Arthur said. He pressed the button to call the lift.

“She said you hunt people.”

Arthur snorted. “Do I look like a murderer?”

“No, but—”

“She’s crazy,” Arthur said again. “I don’t hunt anyone. Do I look like a murderer?”

“You already asked that,” Merlin said as the lifts dinged.

“Well, it’s a good question.” Arthur slumped into the lift and pressed the button for his floor.

“It’s not.” Merlin rolled his eyes but decided not to press. Arthur was drunk, and he wasn’t getting anywhere with his line of questioning.

“Fuck Gwaine,” Arthur moaned when the lift shook to a stop. “I didn’t mean to drink that much.”

“You’ll live.”

Merlin got off on the 11th floor to make sure Arthur got into his flat okay, and then he went up to his own. He found Gaius sitting in the kitchen, enjoying a midnight tea.

“Ah, Merlin,” Gaius said pleasantly. “Come, sit.”

Merlin sat down and heaved a sigh. “Gaius, are there… people who _hunt_ us?”

“Us?”

“People with magic.”

Gaius frowned. “Well…”

“So, there are?” Merlin bit his lip. “There’s this old lady up the street who told me that Arthur—one of the other students—hunts my kind.”

“Do you think he does?” Gaius asked as if that were a reasonable question.

“No. I don’t know. He said he doesn’t hunt anyone.”

“He was there for this?”

“Yeah. Tonight was the second time we saw her. She keeps trying to come after him.”

Gaius frowned. “I’ll have words with Kilgharrah.”

“Why? What’s he got to do with it?”

“I want you boys safe. If there’s someone threatening you, he should know.”

Merlin shrugged, thinking there wasn’t anything either Kilgharrah or Gaius could do to stop it.

“How did she know I have magic?” Merlin asked.

“Maybe she didn’t,” Gaius suggested. “Maybe she was just drunk and you read too much into what she said.”

“She said he hunts my kind, how else am I supposed to interpret that?”

“Maybe she thinks Arthur is a vampire.”

Merlin found himself laughing at the absurd suggestion. “Maybe,” he agreed. Then he yawned.

“You should get to bed,” Gaius said. “Don’t worry too much. I’m sure Arthur isn’t hunting anyone.”

Merlin back on Arthur’s drunken confession that he didn’t mean to treat Merlin so poorly. “I’m sure, too.” With that, he got up and went into his room to get ready for bed.

~~~~

The next morning, Merlin went on a brisk jog through his neighbourhood. He didn’t see anything out of the ordinary—even the bin he’d knocked over the night before had been righted—and when he returned to Gaius’s flat he had put the entire incident behind him. Maybe Gaius and Arthur were right and he was just looking for magic where there was none.

After he showered, he went to the university library to do some reading for his classes without the distraction of Gaius’s spell books being so close.

He found Arthur and Mithian there as well, and Mithian waved him over to their table.

“Hey,” she whispered. “Study party?”

Merlin nodded and settled in the chair next to her, across from Arthur. Arthur gave him a small smile, and Merlin returned it easily. He pulled out his laptop and started going through his assigned readings. It was difficult to concentrate, though. He couldn’t shake the feeling that he was being watched. Every time he looked up, though, there didn’t seem to be anyone looking at him. Mithian and Arthur were wrapped up in their own coursework, and none of the local students were paying them any attention. Still, Merlin kept getting distracted.

After a while, Mithian packed up and went off to meet up with Gwen, and Merlin considered going home. At least at home he would know for sure that no one was staring at him.

“Do you want to get a coffee?” Arthur asked almost as soon as they were alone.

“Oh, um…” Merlin trailed off, surprised by the offer. Arthur had been more friendly to him the night before, but he hadn’t really expected that to continue now that they were sober. “Sure, why not?”

They packed up their things and walked around outside until they came across a coffee shop that wasn’t too crowded.

“How was the rest of your night?” Merlin asked when they were settled at a small table.

Arthur shrugged. “I just crashed. The next time that lady comes after me, I’m getting the police involved.”

“Might not be a bad idea. She definitely has it out for you.”

Arthur sighed and took a tentative sip of his coffee. “Sorry you had to put up with me last night.”

“I didn’t mind,” Merlin said honestly. “I appreciated the apology. The one from last night, I mean.”

Arthur flushed and took another sip of his coffee. “Yeah. Well…”

Merlin shrugged, sort of enjoying watching Arthur wrong-footed.

“What do you have going on this weekend?” Arthur asked after a stretch of silence.

“Just reading,” Merlin said, gesturing to his bag. “Might Skype with my mum tomorrow.”

Arthur nodded and glanced out the window. It had started snowing. “Are you close?” he asked.

“With my mum? Yeah, it’s just the two of us, so…”

“Must be nice,” Arthur muttered.

“Are you not close with your parents?”

“Mum’s dead,” Arthur said without much emotion. “Dad’s a bloody nightmare. So, no.”

“I’m sorry,” Merlin said, feeling awkward. The conversation felt almost too intimate considering they had only just become friendly. He wondered if this was Arthur’s way of making amends. “At least you’re here instead of home?”

Arthur managed a smile. “Yeah. It’s nice to be far away, to be honest. I know that makes me sound horrible, but…” He shrugged. “That’s the way it is.”

“Do you have any siblings?”

“I have a sister,” Arthur said, sighing. “She’s difficult. Let’s talk about something else.”

“Yeah,” Merlin agreed, trying to think of something to keep the conversation going.

“Gwaine said you have a list of places you want to go,” Arthur said.

“I—yeah. My dad was from here, I have his journals. I never met him, but I got them after he died. I’m trying to visit all the places he mentioned.”

Arthur nodded. “Anything good on the list?”

Merlin pulled out his mobile to scroll through it. “It’s a lot of places the program is taking us on tours of. Lots of old historical sites and stuff. Plus the botanical garden—that was from my list.”

“What did he say about it?”

Merlin hesitated. “Just that he went there and enjoyed it.”

“Are you going to try to, like, visit the people he mentioned?”

Merlin frowned, realising for the first time that there never any mentions of other people in his father’s journals. “No,” he said. “He didn’t really write about his friends. I think they’re more like travelogues.

“I’m trying to write down all the places I go while I’m here,” Arthur said. “Maybe one day my kids will go off on a quest because of it.”

Merlin chuckled. “Be sure to mention some places that don’t exist at all. Send them on a wild goose chase.”

“Did your dad do that?”

Merlin shrugged. “Only one way to find out, I guess.”

They brainstormed a few made up places Arthur could write down as they finished their coffee, and then they headed back to their block of flats. Arthur wanted to continue doing coursework in his room, and Merlin wanted to take a break and go back to reading Gaius’s magic books.

“Hey, isn’t that…” Arthur trailed off, frowning, as they walked from the bus stop towards their building. There was a man up ahead who was standing on the street corner looking at his mobile.

“Do you know him?” Merlin asked.

“Isn’t that the lemonade guy?”

Merlin squinted, but he couldn’t remember what that man had looked like. “Maybe.”

“Let’s go this way,” Arthur said, taking a turn that would lengthen their walk.

“I’m sure he’s fine,” Merlin said, following Arthur. “He was just drunk that night.”

“Still.”

Merlin shrugged and looked over his shoulder. The man was staring at him.

“You do seem to attract some odd sorts,” Merlin pointed out.

“I’m a magnet,” Arthur said dully.

Merlin looked over his shoulder again and saw the man moved towards them. He whispered a spell, barely managing to keep control over his magic, and a street sign bent over in a gust of wind. The man walked right into it.

Merlin sped up his gait, hoping Arthur would keep up with him.

“In a hurry?” Arthur asked, catching him up.

“I’m cold,” Merlin said. He looked back and saw the man getting up and glaring at them. He stepped around the sign.

“It’s nice today,” Arthur said, oblivious.

The man started running towards them, and Merlin, his magic singing at him to do more, coughed and knocked a tree over to block his path.

“Come on,” he said, grabbing Arthur’s arm and starting to jog towards their building.

“Merlin, what—”

“FUCK YOU, KID,” the man shouted at them from where he was struggling to climb over the tree trunk.

Arthur looked around and saw the destruction behind them. “What the—”

“Run,” Merlin said, urgently pulling Arthur along. The man was coming straight at them.

Arthur bolted for it, and Merlin spelled a bench to overturn. His magic flew out of him, using everything he could give, and the man ran into the bench with a grunt. Merlin turned and took off after Arthur. He reached their block of flats just as Arthur was unlocking it, and he dashed inside and shut the door as quickly as possible.

“Arthur,” he said, panting. “What the fuck is going on?”

“I don’t—”

“You _do_ know.”

Arthur tugged Merlin away from the door. “Come on,” he said, heading for the lifts. “My host mum is out for the day and she has some really good chocolate stashed in her kitchen.”

Merlin followed Arthur to his flat, giving Arthur time until they were sat at the kitchen table with a bowl full of sweets and two mugs of tea. He thought back on the magic he’d just done, how it was still so much easier than anything he tried when he was studying, how simple it was to access and command. He still didn’t know why. Why couldn’t he get his magic to obey when he was in a controlled environment, why did he have to be in a panic to get it to work with him?

“So, are you going to tell me what’s going on with you and these weirdos?” Merlin asked when he got sick of listening to his own thoughts.

Arthur sighed and stood to look out the window. “It’s my dad.”

“That guy is your dad?” Merlin asked, confused.

“No, it’s because of my dad. It’s complicated.”

“I have time.”

Arthur sat back down, worrying his lower lip.

“It’s a sensitive matter,” he finally said.

“Like, secret government work?” Merlin guessed.

“Sort of.”

“Why would some random drunk guy and an old lady be after you just because your dad works for British intelligence?”

“It’s not really the normal kind of intelligence.”

“Arthur—”

“He…” Arthur sighed again and slumped back in his chair. “His job is to get rid of all the…”

“Immigrants?” Merlin guessed, thoroughly confused as to why Arthur was being so secretive.

“Magic users,” Arthur mumbled, and Merlin blinked.

“Did you just—”

“I know it sounds crazy—”

“What do you mean he ‘gets rid’ of them? Does he kill them?”

Arthur shook his head quickly. “No, he just makes them leave the country.”

“How?”

“Usually by… by threatening their families.”

Merlin felt his mouth drop open. “That’s—”

“Horrible, I know. I hate him. I hate everything about him.”

Merlin took a deep breath, trying to let the news sink in. Arthur knew about magic. Arthur’s father knew about magic. Arthur’s father worked to systematically remove magic users from the UK. Merlin was a magic user in the UK.

“What about those people?” Merlin finally asked. “What do they have to do with your dad?”

“I’m guessing he kicked them out,” Arthur said. He looked miserable. “And somehow they… found out about me. I don’t know, there must be some magical underground or something. They’re coming after me because of _him_. I’m not like him. I don’t give a fuck about magic.”

He said it with a little too much bite.

“You need to tell someone,” Merlin said. “Kilgharrah, or your host family, your dad, anyone.”

“Tell them what?” Arthur asked with a laugh. “That I’m in danger because of my dad’s horrible job? What can anyone do about it?”

“You shouldn’t be here,” Merlin said. “You should be somewhere safe.”

“It’s not like this doesn’t happen at home,” Arthur said bitterly.

“What do you do at home?”

“Nothing. I don’t have to. My dad paid a woman to put protection spells on me. And then he banished her.”

“That’s—”

“I know. I hate him.”

Merlin sighed and ran his hand over his mouth, trying to think. “Maybe… maybe there’s a protection spell you can use here.”

“I don’t know magic, Merlin,” Arthur said sadly. “Even if I had a spell, it wouldn’t do anything.”

“Are you sure?” Merlin asked, thinking of how Gaius claimed to be able to manipulate ingredients for potions without having any magic.

Arthur glared at him. “Do you know more about magic than I do?”

Merlin thought he probably did, but now didn’t seem like the most opportune time to reveal himself.

“What are you going to do, then?” Merlin asked.

Arthur shrugged and ate another chocolate. “Wait until one of them comes at me with a knife, I guess?”

“And… then what?”

“And then I get stabbed.”

Arthur was smiling, but Merlin didn’t think it was a very funny joke. They both knew magic users wouldn’t need a knife to kill him. They had magic—they could kill him any damn way they pleased. Merlin rather thought it was a miracle no one had done anything more menacing to Arthur so far.

“Did you know there were magic users in Tallinn?” Merlin asked, thinking back to Arthur telling him that he was in Estonia to piss off his father.

“Yeah. I guess it’s a popular spot for my dad’s victims.”

“Then why did you come here? Surely you had to know it was a risk.”

“I didn’t think anyone would find out about me. It’s not like I’ve told anyone.”

“You’ve told me.”

“You’re the first.” Arthur licked his lips. “The first ever, actually. None of my mates at home know what he does. I didn’t think you’d take the news so easily.”

“You’d already told me he was a nightmare,” Merlin reminded him.

“I mean that magic exists. Most people wouldn’t just roll with it like you did.”

Merlin shrugged, considering his response carefully. “Seemed like there were more important things to discuss.”

Arthur murmured his agreement.

They sat in silence for a few minutes, listening to it slowly start to rain outside.

“Will you stay here until my host mum gets back?” Arthur asked quietly.

“Of course,” Merlin agreed.

“Thanks. And thanks for helping. I’m sorry if I… I know I’m not the easiest person to be friends with, so…” Arthur flushed and pushed the bowl of sweets towards Merlin. “Eat.”


	2. Chapter 2

The next afternoon, to keep his mind off of everything with Arthur, Merlin texted Gwen and invited her to come with him to a small hill in Old Town that his father had written about. Supposedly some important magical event had taken place there, although the journals didn’t specify exactly what it was.

When he met up with Gwen at the nearest bus stop, she had Mithian and Elena with her.

“The rest of the boys are on their way,” she said as she hugged Merlin in greeting.

Merlin had just wanted to spend the day with Gwen, not thinking about anything or anyone else, but he put on a smile and pretended to be glad to hear that.

“They can meet us there,” he said and then led the group into the park.

The ‘hill’ was easy enough to find. It was mostly just a mound encased by stones and with a statue overseeing it. Merlin stepped up onto the stones and took a deep breath.

At first, nothing seemed different. The air felt the same as it always did.

Then his head began to ache, and he started feeling the same way he had when he’d first come to Tallinn. The magic was strong in this space. He wondered if it was strong enough that the others might be able to feel it, even if they didn’t have magic themselves.

He stepped back down, and his head stopped hurting.

“She looks sad,” Mithian said, looking up at the statue.

Merlin pulled out his guidebook to find a translation of the inscription at the base.

“To remember the ones who were taken away,” he read. “Their oppression is screaming towards the sky.”

“That’s cheery,” Elena said.

“What’s cheery?” Gwaine asked, approaching the group with Lance and Arthur in tow.

“Your face,” Elena said, and Gwaine grinned.

“Hey,” Arthur said, stepping up next to Merlin.

“Hey. Can you do me a favour?”

Arthur shrugged. “I guess.”

“Stand on those stones there and tell me if you feel anything.”

Giving Merlin a look like he was growing a second head, Arthur obeyed. He stepped up and stood on the stones for a solid minute, looking around at the trees.

“Okay,” he finally said. “What am I supposed to be feeling?”

“Nothing,” Merlin said, a little disappointed. “You can come down.”

Arthur stepped back onto the pavement and held the back of his hand up to Merlin’s forehead. “Are you feeling all right?” he teased.

Merlin batted his hand away, laughing.

“Is this really all you came to see?” Gwaine asked, looking down at the grassy mound.

Merlin shrugged. “This and the rest of Old Town. Have you been here yet?”

“Been saving it up for a special occasion.”

“Such as?” Gwaine glanced at Elena, and Merlin smirked. “Well, now’s a good a time as any,” he said, and he linked arms with Gwen and Lance and led the way farther into Old Town.

~~~~

When Merlin got home that night, Gaius was waiting for him in the kitchen.

“Sit,” he instructed, handing Merlin a mug of tea in the kitchen.

Merlin sipped at the tea as he sat down, glad for Gaius’s remedy. He’d wandered across a few other magical spots in Old Town, and his head was starting to hurt from the exposure.

“I spoke with Kilgharrah,” Gaius said.

“Oh?”

“This Arthur boy. What do you know about him?”

Merlin took a longer drink before answering. “He told me his dad works for the government or something and is in charge of getting rid of all the magic users in the UK.”

Gaius’s eyes narrowed. “When did he tell you this?”

“Just yesterday. What do _you_ know about him?”

“The same. If I had known beforehand that Kilgharrah was planning to accept Uther Pendragon’s son into the program, I…” Gaius shook his head.

“Does Kilgharrah know about Arthur’s dad?” Merlin asked.

“Arthur’s father—Uther—was responsible for my expulsion from England. And Kilgharrah’s.”

Merlin frowned. “They why would Kilgharrah bring him here?”

“He seems to have some hope for the boy.”

“Arthur’s not like his dad,” Merlin said. “He hates his dad. He says he doesn’t care about magic.”

“He was raised by the most fearful magic-hater in London,” Gaius said. “I’m sure he has some prejudices, even if he doesn’t realise it.”

Merlin shrugged. “He’s my friend.”

Gaius nodded. “I’m not telling you not to be his friend. I just want you to be careful. These people who are coming after him are dangerous.”

“Arthur said he had a protection spell put on him back home. Maybe there’s something we can do to help him.”

“Those are very complicated spells, Merlin,” Gaius said. “They’re tied to the person _and_ the land. They would take years to master.”

Merlin finished off his tea. “Fine. I’ll just… hope I keep being there when he runs into trouble.”

“I think that’s all you can do.”

Merlin didn’t like that answer, but he knew better than to argue. He was a guest in Gaius’s home, Gaius had decades of experience on him, and Gaius didn’t know Arthur. Merlin wasn’t going to give up so easily, but it seemed like he was going to have to get help from elsewhere.

Before going to bed, Merlin took a few more spell books off Gaius’s shelves, and he stayed up way too late looking for anything that might help.

~~~~

Over the next few days, Merlin spent all his free time reading through Gaius’s books. He found plenty of spells that looked promising, but nothing he could do when he tried. He kept practicing on objects in his room, but nothing was happening to anything. He didn’t have the power—or the ability, or the knowledge, or the concentration, or _something_—and nothing was working.

He didn’t want to give up, but he wasn’t having any ideas. And the program was taking an overnight trip that weekend. Hopefully getting out of the city would mean Arthur would be a little more anonymous and safe.

The trip was to a large national park, and Merlin was quite looking forward to it. They town they were going to wasn’t mentioned anywhere in his father’s journals, but he liked the outdoors and was excited to see some of the Estonian countryside.

On Saturday, Merlin met up with Arthur and Mithian and they rode the bus to the university. Kilgharrah was waiting there for them, along with everyone else and a bus that would be driving them to the park. Merlin climbed on with his friends and ended up sitting next to Mithian.

“You’re close with Arthur, right?” she asked about halfway into the drive.

“I guess,” Merlin said hesitantly. “Why?”

Mithian shrugged, but Merlin could see her blushing.

“He’s hard to get a read on,” she said.

Merlin had to agree with that.

“He’s just…” Merlin frowned, not knowing exactly _what_ Arthur was. He wasn’t really aloof, he wasn’t really stuck-up, he was just Arthur.

“Exactly,” Mithian said. “Do you think he… has a girlfriend?”

“He doesn’t,” Merlin said, keeping his voice low. “He told me he doesn’t.”

Mithian looked please, but Merlin found he didn’t love the idea of her getting together with Arthur. 

“I was thinking, if there’s an opportunity tonight, I might try to, you know…”

“Mhm. Yeah. You should go for it.”

Merlin’s voice sounded hollow to his own ears, and Mithian must have heard it, too, because she frowned.

“Do you think I shouldn’t?”

“You should do whatever you want.”

Mithian didn’t look convinced, but she dropped it and spent the rest of the drive staring out the window. Merlin glanced up at where Arthur was sitting a few rows in front of them. He was chatting animated with Gwaine, gesturing with his hands about something. He looked like he was having a good time, and Merlin wished he could be up there with him instead of stuck with Mithian, talking about whether or not she should make a move on him.

The first thing they did when they reached the village was unload their bags from the bus and get settled in the cabins. All the girls were staying in one cabin, all the boys—and Kilgharrah—were staying in the one next door. After much arguing and a little bit of playful pushing, the boys all managed to pick out their beds.

_”Poisid!_ Kilgharrah shouted, calling for all the guys to join him in the cabin’s kitchen. “We’re going on a walk,” he announced. “Be sure you have on comfortable shoes. We leave in five minutes.”

He left to share the same message with the girls next door, and Merlin wondered if maybe he would be able to find some time alone with Kilgharrah on the hike. He wanted to hear more about why Kilgharrah had accepted Arthur into the program and whether there was anything he could do to help protect Arthur.

It turned out that they were going on the walk with a guide, though, while Kilgharrah stayed back at the cabin.

The guide didn’t speak the best English, but he did clearly state that the village had the largest collection of ‘erratic boulders’ in Estonia, whatever that meant. He talked about the foliage and the history of the town, and then he let the students finish the walk in peace.

“What do you think an erratic boulder is?” Arthur asked, falling into step beside Merlin.

Merlin kicked a small stone off the path. “No idea.”

“Do you think they’re, like, emotionally erratic? Maybe they need to calm down a bit?”

Merlin laughed. “That’s probably what he meant, yeah.”

They walked in silence for a few minutes, and then Arthur asked, in a low voice, “So, how are you taking it?”

“Taking what?”

“The news.” When Merlin gave him a confused looked, he clarified, “That magic’s real.”

“Oh. Um…” Merlin frowned, trying to decide what he could say that wouldn’t give himself away. “Stranger things have happened.”

Arthur laughed. “They _literally_ haven’t, but I guess that means you’re taking it well.”

“I’m not having any crises,” Merlin assured him. “Have you thought any more about how you’re going to keep yourself protected?”

Arthur shrugged. “Hanging out with you seems to have worked so far.”

Merlin could feel himself starting to go red. “Maybe it’s the opposite,” he said quickly. “If you’ve only been attacked while I’m there, then maybe it’s something about me.”

“What kind of sense does that make?”

“What kind of sense does any of this make?” Merlin asked. “It’s magic.”

“Say it a little louder, why don’t you?”

“No one’s listening to us. I’m going to fuck you right in front of Gwaine and Lance tonight.” There was a ringing silence. “See? No one’s paying us any attention.”

“And _that_ was how you decided to prove it?” Arthur asked, laughing. “Yikes.”

Merlin just laughed.

After their walk, the bus took them to another town to stock up on groceries and drinks. Kilgharrah helped cook everyone a dinner of fish and potatoes, and then he locked himself in his room with a warning for everyone to behave for the night.

Gwaine immediately broke out the alcohol, and everyone hung out in the girls’s cabin until the booze was gone. It was still early at that point, though, so Merlin and Arthur went on a quest to find more.

“There should be a shop,” Merlin said, squinting down at the map as they walked along one of the town’s many unpaved roads. “I think it’s this.”

Arthur snatched the map and nearly tripped over a rock as he tried to read it and walk at the same time.

“Careful there,” Merlin teased, taking the map back. “How much did you have?”

“Just a few beers. Do you think that’s it?” He pointed at a small white building up ahead. It looked like every other building in town, which was to say it looked like a house.

“Can’t be,” Merlin said, double checking the map.

“It should be right there,” Arthur said, pointing at the little trolley icon on the map. “That’s where we are.” Merlin turned the map upside down, and Arthur laughed and started folding it up. “Come on,” he said. “Let’s at least try.”

Arthur turned out to be correct. Inside the small house was a small shop, and inside the small shop was plenty of alcohol. They bought as much as they could carry and headed back to the cabins.

Merlin was so preoccupied with balancing all the booze in his arms that he only just noticed the man hiding in the bush in time.

“Arthur,” he said, coming to a stop. “I think—”

The man jumped out from behind a tree and advanced on Arthur. He was holding a knife, and the knife looked like it had been cursed. It was engraved all along the blade.

Merlin dropped the alcohol and held out his hands, the magic already pouring out of him. He blew the man off his feet and back into the tree line. He hadn’t even needed a spell—the magic had just known what he wanted and done it.

“Run!” he shouted when Arthur just stood there.

“The drinks,” Arthur said, his voice low.

“Oh my _God_,” Merlin complained, but he stooped down to gather what he’d dropped. “GO!” he shouted when he’d stood back up, not wanting to wait around to see if the man would come back out.

Arthur jogged back to the cabin as best he could with all the drinks in his arms, and Merlin followed, checking over his shoulder every few seconds to make sure they were still safe.

When they were back inside the cabin with everyone else, Merlin set down the alcohol and, after Arthur had done the same, pulled Arthur into the toilet.

“How’d they find you way out here?” he asked.

Arthur wasn’t making eye contact with him.

“Arthur,” Merlin said sharply. “How did—”

“How the fuck am I supposed to know?” Arthur asked angrily. “You’re the one with magic.”

He flung open the door and stomped back to the kitchen, leaving Merlin standing by the sink. Merlin closed the door again quickly and leaned against it, breathing hard.

He hadn’t meant to use his magic so blatantly in front of Arthur, it had just happened. The man had had a _knife_. He had meant to kill Arthur, or at least leave some magically cursed wound, and Merlin had saved him. Arthur should have been grateful. Instead he was back to being a prat.

Chalking it up to the alcohol and hoping it would all be forgiven the next day, Merlin went back out to try to enjoy the rest of the night with his friends.

~~~~

In the morning, Merlin woke up to find Lance and Gwaine snoring away in their beds. The next bed over, however, was empty—Arthur wasn’t there.

Merlin stayed in his bed for a while, thinking about the man in the bushes with the knife. Where had he come from, how had he known about Arthur, where had he gotten the knife? And why hadn’t Merlin even needed to say a spell to get his magic to do what he’d been thinking? Why was his magic so eager to work so well around Arthur?

Eventually, tired of not having any answers, he got dressed and cleaned his teeth before venturing out to the kitchen. Arthur was standing by the stove, scrambling himself some eggs.

“Hey,” Merlin said.

Arthur just grunted in response. He didn’t look fully awake.

“Can we talk about last night?” Merlin asked.

Arthur nodded towards the sitting area and Merlin looked over to see Mithian on the sofa, watching them.

“Oh,” Merlin said, trying not to think about the possibility of them having hooked up. “Later, then.”

Arthur nodded and went back to his eggs. Merlin joined Mithian on the sofa, and she gave him a smile that told him everything he needed to know about what had happened the night before.

After everyone slowly woke up and made themselves breakfast, Kilgharrah took the group to the local sea museum. It was quaint, but not very expansive, and in less than an hour everyone was packing themselves back onto the bus to go back to Tallinn.

Mithian sat with Arthur, Gwen sat with Lance, and Gwaine sat with Elena, which left Merlin to either find another seatmate or sit by himself.

He chose to sit up front with Kilgharrah.

“Merlin,” Kilgharrah said pleasantly when Merlin sat down next to him. “How are you?”

“I’m good. How was your night?”

“A lot quieter than anyone else’s, I assume.”

“Probably true.”

“Why aren’t you sitting back with your friends?” he asked.

“I wanted to ask you about Arthur,” Merlin said, keeping his voice quiet. “He’s in danger.”

“I know you’ve had some run-ins with local magic—”

“Someone tried to stab him last night,” Merlin said.

Kilgharrah frowned. “At the cabin?”

“We went out to the shop. There was a man hiding in the trees with a knife. It looked cursed.”

“I’m sorry that happened,” Kilgharrah said. “The reality is that Arthur knew exactly what he was getting into. I spoke with him about before the program started.”

“That doesn’t make it right,” Merlin said. “He’s not safe. You need to help protect him.”

Kilgharrah shook his head. “There’s nothing I can do.”

“Gaius told me—”

“Gaius knows full well that any protection spell needs the consent of the one being protected. I offered to help Arthur, but he refused.”

“So you’re just going to let him die?”

“Why on earth would he die? He’s got you to protect him.”

Merlin scoffed. “I have no idea what I’m doing,” he said. “All I have are my dad’s journals and Gaius’s books and—”

“That’s plenty,” Kilgharrah said. “And you don’t need any of that. You have what you need inside you.”

Merlin fought not to roll his eyes. “He needs help, Kilgharrah. Real help.”

“If anything happens to him,” Kilgharrah said, “I’ll be there. But I trust you.”

“Why?” Merlin demanded. “You don’t even know me.”

“I knew your father. He was a good man.”

Merlin’s train of thought about Arthur came to a halt. “What? How? When?”

“A long time ago,” Kilgharrah said. “We worked together, back in England, back before Arthur’s father had us forcibly removed from the country. He brought me here, and I’ve been running this program ever since.”

“You worked together?” Merlin asked. “What did you do?”

“We were working against Uther Pendragon,” Kilgharrah said with a sigh. “We didn’t know it at the time. We thought he was on our side. We thought he wanted to help protect magic users. We were wrong.”

“And Gaius?”

“Gaius worked very hard,” Kilgharrah said vaguely. “He never wanted to have to choose a side.”

“But he did,” Merlin said. “He’s here.”

“Not by his own free will,” Kilgharrah said. “Uther kicked him out. He purged everyone who ever had anything to do with our work.”

“Why?”

“You should ask Arthur.”

“I’m asking you,” Merlin said.

Kilgharrah shook his head. “It’s not my story to tell.”

Merlin wanted to know more, but he knew there was no point. “What was my dad like?” he asked instead.

“Very passionate, very intelligent. Very lonesome. He always preferred working by himself. He was a hard man to get to know. He loved you, though.”

“He didn’t even know me.”

“No,” Kilgharrah agreed, “but he knew of you. He once told me his biggest regret was not getting to know you.”

“Why didn’t he?”

“How could he have? He was banned from the country. If he’d tried, he would have put you and your mother in danger. Uther’s still out there, hunting down anyone who dares show themselves and their magic in public.”

_‘Dad’s a bloody nightmare.’_. Arthur’s words echoed in Merlin’s head, and he spent the rest of the bus ride sitting in silence, wondering what Arthur’s childhood must have been like with a man like that, wondering what his own childhood would have been like if his father had been allowed to stay.

~~~~

Merlin spent the next week trying to focus on his coursework and not get too bogged down in the business of his and Arthur’s fathers. Arthur wasn’t responding to his texts, but Merlin decided he didn’t have to worry about him. He could put his energy towards his studies, towards reading Gaius’s books, towards visiting the places his father had mentioned in the journals.

On Thursday, Merlin settled in a café around the corner from Gaius’s flat with one of his dad’s journals. He read through a few of his favourite passages—the ones about how magic made him feel alive, the ones about his favourite spells, the ones about where he’d found magic in unexpected places—and thought about what Kilgharrah had told him about his dad being a loner. It had never occurred to Merlin that all of his dad’s journals were about things he’d done by himself.

“Hey Merlin.”

Merlin looked up to see Mithian standing near his table.

“Hey. How’s it going?”

“Can I join you?”

Merlin nodded and moved his bag off the chair across the table so she could sit down with her coffee.

“How’s your week going?” she asked.

“A little boring, to be honest,” Merlin said. “I’ve just been doing coursework.”

“Is that for school?” she asked, glancing at the journal in his hand.

“It’s my dad’s,” Merlin said, stuffing in his bag. “He was from Tallinn.”

“Oh? I didn’t know that. Is that why you decided to come here?”

“Yeah. Why did you, by the way? I can’t remember if you mentioned.”

“I’m studying linguistics,” she said. “Estonian is a pretty fascinating language.”

“I keep trying to pick some up,” Merlin said, “but I’m not very good at it.”

“It’s also a very difficult one,” she said kindly. “It’s just nice that you’re trying. Arthur barely knows how to say hello.”

Merlin reached for his coffee. “So, are you two…”

“Yeah.” She looked happy. “He’s really lovely.”

“He is,” Merlin agreed.

There was an awkward moment of silence during which they both drank their coffees.

“He likes you, too, you know,” Mithian said. “He told me.”

“He… likes me?” Merlin asked, confused.

“He said you’re his best friend here.”

“Maybe I used to be,” Merlin said bitterly. “He’s ignoring me right now.”

“I might have been keeping him busy.”

Merlin shrugged. “It doesn’t matter. I’m happy for you.”

Mithian didn’t look like she believed him, but she dropped the subject. “So, what are you doing the rest of the day?”

“Just this,” Merlin said. “Reading, doing coursework.”

“Do you want to come out to dinner with me and Arthur?”

Merlin couldn’t think of anything he’d like to do less. “No, thank you. I think Gaius is expecting me for dinner.”

“All right.” Mithian drained her coffee. “It was good seeing you,” she said as she stood up. “I’ll tell Arthur to text you.”

She walked off before Merlin could protest.

~~~~

On Saturday, Merlin spent his morning flipping through his guide book, trying to decide where he wanted to spend his day. His mobile buzzed as he was deciding between two museums, and he checked it, expecting a text from Gwaine.

**Hey. I’m sorry for being me again. Can we hang out?**

It was from Arthur. Merlin set down his guide book and read the text a few times before responding.

** _Hey. No worries. I was going to go to a museum today, if you want to come?_ **

**Sure. Let me know when you’re headed out**

Merlin took his time showering and getting dressed before he went down to the lobby to wait for Arthur.

“Hey,” Arthur said when he got off the lifts. “Where are we headed?”

“Kadriorg,” Merlin said, guessing on the pronunciation. “It’s a palace with two museums in it.”

“Sounds good.” Arthur followed Merlin out to the bus stop.

“So I had another run-in with our friend the other night,” Arthur said after they’d waited for a few minutes in silence.

“Which friend is that?”

“The old lady.”

“Shit. What happened?”

“I chucked my coffee cup at her head. Not the most effective defence, but it distracted her long enough for me to get away.”

Merlin shook his head. “I talked with Kilgharrah, and he said you refused to let him put a protection spell on you.”

“I don’t need one,” Arthur said firmly. “I’m surviving fine without out.”

“Barely.”

“Well, I’ve got you,” Arthur said. “You’ve done a good job of helping me survive.”

“I was, but you haven’t talked to me in a week,” Merlin pointed out.

“I was… surprised,” Arthur said, and Merlin wondered if that was his version of an apology. “You kept it a secret from me. But I think I need you.”

“Do I get a say in this?”

“You could leave me to die,” Arthur said as the bus approached. “That last guy had a knife, remember? I told you I’d end up getting stabbed.”

“Just don’t predict getting decapitated,” Merlin said.

The ride to the museums were uneventful, as the museums were themselves, except for that feeling that they were being watched. Merlin did his best to ignore it. Arthur spent most of their time pointing out every animal in every painting and sculpture. It seemed to be a way to keep himself ever so slightly engaged with his surroundings.

“Not a fan of art?” Merlin guessed when they were in the second museum, and Arthur was staring blankly at a wall full of ornamental plates.

“Not this kind of art.”

“What art do you like?”

“I like suits of armour and ancient weapons and that kind of thing. Not exactly ‘art’, but that stuff’s always in museums. I like things that are so old it hurts to think about. These plates are pretty recent.”

“They’re a couple hundred years old,” Merlin pointed out. “It’s amazing how well persevered they are.”

“I guess,” Arthur said, sounding bored.

Merlin chuckled and pulled him away from the display. “Want to head out?”

Arthur nodded, looking relieved, and Merlin led the way to the exit. There was a man waiting outside for them. He wasn’t the man from the park town, but he had a similar knife.

“Pendragon,” he sneered.

Merlin’s magic immediately itched to attack the man, but he managed to control himself. He grabbed Arthur by his coat and took off running, dragging Arthur behind him. They made a beeline for the bus stop and, by some miracle, managed to hop on the bus just before it pulled off.

“What the fuck?” Arthur panted. “What the hell was that about?”

“Did you not see his knife?”

Arthur paled. “No,” he said quietly, sinking into a seat. “I just heard him say my name.”

“He had a huge dagger.”

Arthur sighed and shook his head. “Well… at least he wasn’t near our block of flats.”

“I’m not sure that’s a good thing,” Merlin pointed out. “If they’re coming after you in the open like that…”

“There’s nothing we can do about it,” Arthur said.

“We can ask Kilgharrah to help protect you.”

“No,” Arthur said firmly. “It’s my life. I don’t want help.”

“_I’m_ helping.”

“That’s different.”

“How is that different?”

Arthur didn’t respond, and they rode the rest of the way home in silence.

~~~~

Merlin spent his Sunday going through as many of Gaius’s book as he could, trying to something—anything—that could help protect Arthur. He found potions, but he didn’t have the ingredients. He found spells, but they were too complicated, and, as he had been told, they required consent. There was no point in attempting to learn one of these spells if Arthur was just going to refuse.

When he kept running into dead ends, Merlin gave up and decided to look for alternatives. He read up on defensive magic, offensive magic, lesser protection charms, anything he could find.

“You’re going to drive yourself mad,” Gaius said on Sunday evening when Merlin brought one of the books to the dinner table. “If Arthur doesn’t want help—”

“He shouldn’t be given a vote,” Merlin muttered. He pushed the book aside and started in on his dinner. “What if we made Kilgharrah threaten to kick him out of the program?”

“Do you think that would work?”

“No,” Merlin sighed. He took a few bites. “Did you… did you used to work with Kilgharrah? Back in the UK?”

“Briefly.”

“Did you know my dad?”

Gaius nodded. “I did. Not well.”

“Did you know I was his son when you agreed to let me live here?”

“Kilgharrah mentioned. Like I said, I wasn’t sure if you knew about yourself. I just thought… well, I thought you should be properly looked after. Your dad was a good man. If I’m honest, I was curious about what you would be like.”

“Am I like him?” Merlin asked quietly.

“In some ways. You have his thirst for knowledge. You seem to have his integrity.”

Merlin nodded. “Thanks.”

“I’m sorry you never knew him,” Gaius said after a moment. “It’s not fair.”

“No,” Merlin agreed. He forced himself to eat the rest of his dinner and then he took the book back to his room to keep reading.

~~~~

During the week, Merlin didn’t have much time to study Gaius’s books. He had coursework, as well as dinner plans with his friends practically every night. He saw Lance on Monday, Elena on Wednesday, and Gwaine on Thursday. By Friday, he was exhausted and fell asleep reading one of the spell books.

On Saturday, Kilgharrah took the group on a walking tour of Old Town. The weather was actually nice, for once, and everyone seemed to be in good spirits. Kilgharrah told them excitedly about the history of almost every building, every plaza, every park, and the students actually paid attention. Even Gwaine was visibly interested in the old buildings.

When they stopped at a museum, Merlin broke away from the group to explore. He could feel something in the air—he didn’t know what, and he didn’t know where it was coming from, but he wanted to find out.

He found a small stone room with low ceilings and carved archways near the windows. There were several old ornamental chairs in the room, each with a little plaque describing them, but he ignored all that. He put his hands on the wall and took a deep breath against the rush of magic that surged through him.

He felt lightheaded.

He wished there was someone he could share this with.

Heading back to the main group, Merlin found Arthur loitering near the back of the crowd, looking bored.

“Hey,” he whispered. “Come here.”

Arthur followed without question, and Merlin took him back to the stone room.

“Put your hands on this wall,” Merlin instructed.

Arthur did so, giving Merlin a weird look. “Okay. And?”

“Do you feel anything? Any magic?”

Arthur shook his head and dropped his hands. “Do you?”

“_Yes,_” Merlin said. He put one hand back on the stone. “Something happened here. Or someone with magic built this room. Or charmed these walls, these stones. Something. I can _feel_ it.”

“What does it feel like?” Arthur asked quietly.

“Like… like my own magic is grasping for it. Growing stronger because of it.”

Arthur stared at Merlin, and Merlin dropped his hand, embarrassed.

“Come on,” he said, “Let’s get back to the group.”

He didn’t understand. The force he felt was _so_ strong—it was impossible to imagine that Arthur couldn’t feel any of it. And it was everywhere, not just in that stone room. Each room they went to made Merlin sway as he was hit with another wave of some magic.

By the time they left, his head was pounding.

“I need to go home,” he told Arthur, thinking desperately of Gaius’s tea.

“There’s only a couple places left.”

“I can’t,” Merlin said. He knew from his father’s journals that the remaining buildings also had magic in them. He would have to come back another day, perhaps with a thermos of Gaius’s mug to ease the way.

“All right. I’ll go with you.”

“You should stay.”

“I’m bored out of my mind.”

Merlin smirked and, making sure Kilgharrah was looking another way, headed back to the bus stop with Arthur.

“Hey,” Mithian said, running up to them. “Where are you guys going?”

“Back home,” Arthur said, letting her take his hand in hers.

“I’m not feeling well,” Merlin explained.

“I’m sorry,” Mithian said sweetly. “Can we help at all?”

“I just need to get home,” Merlin said, trying not to look at where they were holding hands.

Arthur sat with Mithian on the bus, leaving Merlin to grab a seat next to a very large old man at the back of the bus. The ride was bumpy, and Merlin was nauseous by the time they reached their stop.

“How are you feeling?” Mithian asked, grabbing Arthur’s hand again.

“Not the best,” Merlin said. He watched the bus drive off, trying to put some distance between himself and the love birds, but when he turned back around he found them waiting for him.

Behind them was the guy from the other museum with the knife.

“Arthur,” he said. He could feel his magic starting to boil.

Arthur’s eyes widened. “Come on,” he said, pulling Mithian in the opposite direction. “Let’s get something to eat.”

“What about Merlin?” Mithian asked, looking over her shoulder.

“He’ll be fine.” Arthur glanced back at Merlin and added, “We’ll be fine.”

Merlin didn’t have a better idea, so he watched them walk down the pavement until they went into a café. He turned back to the knife guy and saw him settling down on the bench where the old lady normally sat.

Merlin walked by him as casually as he could, and then, once he was halfway inside the door to his building, flipped over the bench. Just like back on the trip, he hadn't needed a spell. The magic had just known what he wanted.

Despite still feeling ill, Merlin spent his night practising spells from Gaius's books. He tried to tap back into that powerful feeling, that feeling that his magic was willing to obey him, but the spells felt the same as they always did. The basic ones worked—barely—and the more complex ones did nothing. There was something missing when he was sitting by himself, something that happened when Arthur was in trouble that he couldn't replicate on his own. It was like he needed a better motivation than curiosity. Curiosity was getting him nowhere—it was the real-life danger, the sensation of panic and protectiveness, that really made his magic work.

~~~~

In the morning, after another cup of Gaius’s tea to shake off the last of his headache, Merlin texted Arthur.

** _Did you make it home okay yesterday?_ **** **

**Yeah, he was gone. Did you break the bench?**

** _I didn’t know what else to do_ **

**So you resorted to destruction of public property?**

** _Next time I’ll just let him stab you_ **

Arthur responded with a knife emoji. Merlin smirked and lay down on his bed.

_ **Why are you here? There’s so many other places you could have studied abroad** _

**Do you really think I’d be safer somewhere else? My father has kicked out all sorts of people. They leave for all sorts of places**

** _Why Estonia though? Why would that piss off your dad more than someplace else?_ **

It took a few minutes for Arthur’s response to come through.

**I’ll tell you about it sometime**

Sighing, Merlin sat back up and started in on his coursework.

~~~~

On Tuesday, Merlin ran into Mithian outside their block of flats on his way to go meet Gwen for dinner. She was walking briskly towards the building, her arms crossed and her head down.

“Hey,” Merlin said, and Mithian looked up. Merlin was alarmed to see that she was crying. “Whoa, hey. Are you all right?”

Mithian sniffed and wiped at her eyes. “I’m fine.”

“Are you sure? Can I help?”

She shook her head and sniffed again.

“What happened?”

Mithian closed her eyes against fresh tears. “Arthur broke up with me.”

“I’m… sorry,” Merlin said.

“It’s fine,” Mithian said, although it clearly wasn’t fine. “I’m overreacting.”

“No, you liked him. It’s okay if you’re upset.”

Mithian shrugged and crossed her arms tighter.

“I’m going out to dinner with Gwen,” Merlin said. “You should come with.”

Mithian shook her head. “No, thanks.”

“Please? I want to make sure you’re okay.”

Mithian sniffed and took a deep breath. Merlin reached and rubbed her shoulder. He did feel bad that she was upset, even though a part of him—a very small part—was glad that Arthur had called things off between them.

“Come on,” he said, linking his arm with hers and turning her towards the bus stop. “Come eat with me and Gwen.”

Mithian said nothing, but she didn’t pull away, either. When they reached the bus stop, Merlin saw Arthur coming out of a café down the street. As soon as Arthur spotted them, he turned around and went back into the café.

Sighing, Merlin wondered how awkward the rest of the semester would be between Arthur and Mithian. He liked Mithian, and he didn’t want to have to choose sides, but if it came down to that, his choice was obvious.

Mithian was in slightly better spirits when they got off the bus, and they spent their dinner with Gwen discussing the upcoming weekend trip to St Petersburg.

“I’ve heard it’s a beautiful city,” Gwen said as she was eating her dessert. “I think it’s called the Venice of the North.”

“What does that mean?” Merlin asked.

Gwen shrugged. “I don’t know, I’ve just heard it called that.”

“What is Venice known for?”

Gwen shrugged again. “How should I know?”

Merlin chuckled. “I don’t know, you’re the one who brought it up.”

“Water,” Mithian said, looking it up on her mobile. “Rivers and canals.”

“I bet there’s a lot of cute bridges,” Gwen said happily.

“She loves bridges,” Mithian explained to Merlin. “I asked to swap photos of Old Town with her, and about 90% of photos she’s taken of Tallinn have been of the bridges.”

“They’re pretty,” Gwen said defensively.

“They’re bridges,” Mithian said flatly.

Merlin chuckled and helped himself to a bite of Gwen’s dessert, glad that Mithian seemed to be doing better. He was enjoying himself with his friends, and he liked being out and about in Tallinn. His parade of dinners the week before had reminded him of that. Before then, he’d spent so much time cooped up in his room with his homework and with Gaius’s books. He’d almost forgotten that he was abroad and meant to be experiencing another culture.

“We can walk home along the river,” Merlin suggested once Gwen and Mithian had stopped discussing the merits of bridges. “And you can show us your favourite bridges,” he added to Gwen.

“I would love to,” Gwen said, smiling. “Thank you.”

“Don’t encourage her,” Mithian said. She was complaining, but she was also smiling.

“What do you like, then?” Merlin prompted.

“She likes bells. Like, church bells,” Gwen said. “All her photos are of fucking bells.”

“Bells are nice,” Mithian said as if that was an obvious fact. “Nicer than _bridges_.”

“I’m sure both bells _and_ bridges are lovely,” Merlin said, amused.

“What weird things are you into?” Gwen asked.

Merlin thought about it. He was into magic and magical places. He was into his dad’s journal and Gaius’s spell books. He was into saving Arthur from mysterious enemies.

“Nothing,” he finally said. “I’m willing to be persuaded.”

Gwen and Mithian spent the rest of dessert debating whether Merlin would end up more interested in bells or bridges, and then they walked home through a park that had one of the city’s few bodies of water.

“So, without going into too much detail because, mind you, I’ve just had my heart broken, have you gotten together with Lance yet?” Mithian asked Gwen as they approached the end of the river.

“Not yet,” Gwen said. “I’m not sure he’s into me.”

Merlin held back a snort.

“He’s into you,” Mithian said. “Why wouldn’t he be?”

“I don’t know, but he hasn’t made a move yet. I don’t think he’s going to.”

“Maybe you should make a move,” Merlin suggested. “Maybe he thinks you fancy Gwaine.”

“Why would I fancy Gwaine?”

Merlin shrugged. “You flirt with him, don’t you?”

“For a laugh. Surely Lance knows that.”

“How could he?” Mithian asked. “You’re rather convincing with Gwaine.”

“But Gwaine wants Elena,” Gwen pointed out.

“This is ridiculous,” Merlin grumbled.

“Why’s that?” Gwen asked.

“This weird six-sided love affair,” he said, gesturing between Gwen and Mithian.

“My part of it died in the cold,” Mithian reminded him.

“And I’m not with anyone,” Gwen said.

“Still makes me the seventh wheel.”

Gwen frowned. “Is there someone you fancy? I’ve always been curious.”

“No,” Merlin said, rolling his eyes. “I’m gay. There’s no one here for me.”

“I thought Gwaine was bi,” Gwen said.

“Gwaine wants Elena,” Merlin pointed out. “And also, Gwaine is Gwaine. He’s fun, but he’s way too much.”

“If any of the rest of the lads were gay, who would you like?” Mithian asked.

“No one,” Merlin said quickly. “I didn’t come here to find romance. Besides, they’re not gay, so it doesn’t matter. I don’t waste my time pining after guys I can’t have.”

Mithian looked sceptical, which Merlin didn’t appreciate. He wasn’t lying.

“Do you really think I should make a move on Lance?” Gwen asked after a minute.

“Yes,” Merlin said. “Maybe you can go on a romantic bridge-seeing adventure in St Petersburg.”

Gwen just smiled. Mithian linked arms with her, and they spent the rest of the walk discussing Gwen’s favourite bridges.

~~~~

The next weekend was the trip to St Petersburg. Everyone met at the train station a little before midnight on Thursday to take an overnight train. The program had an entire car of sleeper cabins booked, and everyone was acting like they were going to party the entire night, which Merlin didn’t understand. He wanted to get sleep so he could enjoy himself the next day, but he seemed to be the only one who felt that way.

He was in a cabin with Lance, Gwaine, and Arthur. He and Arthur negotiated the lower bunks, agreeing to let Lance and Gwaine have them on the return trip. They shoved their bags under the little flip-down side table in their cabin and spent the first few hours of the trip playing drinking card games.

At 3am, Merlin kicked everyone out, saying that he needed to get to sleep or he was going to murder someone in the morning. Gwaine and Lance left, looking for another party to join, but Arthur stayed, agreeing that he wanted to get some sleep.

Sleeping on the train was difficult, though. The track wasn’t the smoothest, and they kept passing by other trains that would rumble loudly just outside the window by Merlin’s head. He managed to be in his bunk for about four hours, but he guessed that he really only got about two hours of sleep, and interrupted sleep at that.

He was bleary eyed and in desperate need of caffeine and breakfast when the train finally pulled into the station.

“Fuck,” he said when he got off the train, looking around at all the incomprehensible signs. He’d forgotten that Russian used a different alphabet.

“Gather around,” Kilgharrah called when everyone was off the train. “This morning we will be dropping your things off at the hotel, getting breakfast, and then going to the Hermitage. No one is to leave the group, do you understand?”

Everyone mumbled their understanding and then followed Kilgharrah out of the station. He led them to the metro and handed out packets of tokens to everyone.

The metro station was deep, _deep_ underground. It felt like the escalator ride took at least two minutes.

“They’re meant to double as nuclear bomb shelters,” Elena supplied helpfully. She looked more cheerful and awake than anyone else. “Fascinating, isn’t it?”

Merlin yawned as he nodded. Eventually they made it off the escalator and down into the station. The ride was short, thankfully, and then they were being checked into their hotel by Kilgharrah, who knew some Russian.

“Keys for you,” Kilgharrah said, handing them out to Gwen and Elena. “Keys for you,” he gave another pair to Gwaine and Lance. “And keys for you,” he said, passing them to Merlin and Arthur.

“Roomie,” Arthur said, nudging Merlin’s arm with his elbow.

Merlin blushed for some reason.

After they dumped their things on their beds, they went out for breakfast at a restaurant next to the hotel. They were given ample amounts of coffee and tea, and Merlin asked for some hot water to steep some of Gaius’s tea in. The magic aura in St Petersburg wasn’t significantly different than in Tallinn, and he was pretty sure he only felt like shit because of how little sleep he’d gotten, but he didn’t want to take any chances. The tea helped, and everyone was looking slightly more human by the time they headed to the Hermitage.

“This place is enormous,” Arthur said as they stood in line outside the museum. “And this city is weird.”

“Why is it weird?” Gwen asked.

“It’s, like, 10 times bigger than Tallinn, but there’s no skyscrapers. And everything is pastel coloured.”

“It’s pretty,” Gwen said. “I’m excited to see the bridges later.”

“What?” Arthur asked, confused.

“Don’t worry about it,” Merlin said, smiling. He followed Arthur inside and they were immediately assigned a tour guide. She spoke very good English, and Merlin moved to the front of the group to hear better.

“You really don’t think this is cool?” he asked Arthur when they came to stop at a golden peacock statue. “Not even a little bit?”

“It’s… nice,” Arthur said begrudgingly. “I like the feather bits.”

“You’re hopeless,” Merlin teased.

Arthur shrugged, looking unbothered by the assessment. He followed Merlin close behind for the rest of the tour, very obviously not paying any attention to the tour guide but doing a decent job of not distracting Merlin from what she was saying.

At the end of the tour, they were given an hour to go around the museum on their own. Merlin sat down on a bench and pulled out the museum map, trying to decide where to go.

“Is there an armour gallery?” Arthur asked, sitting down and reading over Merlin’s shoulder.

“Yeah,” Merlin said, thinking he might as well try to make Arthur happy with their trip. “Want to go see it?”

“Obviously.”

Merlin found where they were on the map and then led the way to the armour hall. Arthur was enthralled from the first display, flitting between all the showcases and taking multiple photos of every piece of armour, every weapon, every plaque describing the pieces.

Merlin followed, amused, taking a few pictures until he felt that now familiar sensation of his magic reacting to something nearby. He backtracked until it felt the strongest. It seemed to be coming from an ancient Japanese suit of armour.

“Interesting,” he said to himself, letting his magic reach out and mingle with what was emanating from the display.

“What’s up?” Arthur asked, coming over to where he had stopped.

“Magic,” Merlin said quietly.

Arthur tilted his head, looking at he suit of armour.

“Interesting,” he said, and Merlin smiled. He stepped away and followed Arthur through the rest of the exhibit until their hour was up and they had to meet back up with the group.

They were taken to lunch nearby and then to an outdoor souvenir market. It was cold—there was snow on the ground and it looked like more might fall—but the market booths were worth it. There was _so much_ to look through. There were Soviet trinkets, handmade clothing, seemingly infinite stacking dolls, jewellery, rare coins, fuzzy hats, posters, flasks, pins, shoes, bags, scarves, everything. Anything Merlin could have wanted to buy as a souvenir was there, and it took him several hours to explore.

He ended up buying a small set of stacking dolls, a few commemorative coins, and a flask that had the warmest magical energy he’d come across yet. The seller didn’t seem to know what he had, and Merlin was able to haggle with him until the flask was practically free.

Arthur bought himself a fuzzy hat with earflaps that he wore proudly, as well as a handwoven scarf that was much more flamboyant than his usual look.

“You look queer,” Gwaine pointed out as soon as they were grouped back together and heading for dinner.

“Jealous?” Arthur asked, adjusting his new purple scarf.

“A little bit,” Gwaine said, laughing.

“I like it,” Mithian said, and Arthur gave her a grateful smile.

After dinner they were turned loose, but it was snowing pretty hard, so everyone went back to their hotel. Arthur put down his souvenirs and then went back out with Gwaine to find alcohol, and Merlin took a short nap until they returned.

“Wakey, wakey!” Gwaine shouted, bursting into the room with Lance and Mithian in tow.

“Where’s Arthur?” Merlin asked, sitting up.

“Getting Gwen and Elena,” Gwaine said, kicking the door shut behind him. “He gave me his key.”

“Well, that was nice of him.”

Gwaine chuckled and, pushing Merlin’s things aside, started setting up a bar on top of the dresser. Arthur came back a few minutes later with Gwen and Elena, and then Gwaine started pouring everyone shots of vodka.

“Za,” Gwaine said, reading off a sheet of Russian phrases Kilgharrah had given them. “Zz… dravo… ye. Za Zz-dravo-ye.”

“What he said,” Arthur teased, lifting up his glass. Everyone followed suit and downed their shots.

“Who wants to play Truth or Dare?” Gwaine asked, slamming down his cup.

“Literally no one,” Gwen said.

Gwaine laughed and plopped down on Arthur’s bed, leaning back against the wall. “All right, what should we do, then?”

“I’ll go get my laptop,” Mithian offered. “We can watch a movie.”

“And play a drinking game,” Gwaine said as she left.

“You’re a terrible influence,” Arthur said, sitting down next to him anyway.

“You know you love it.” Gwaine grinned widely. “No one would be having any fun without me.”

“I’m sure we’d manage.”

“You’d all be wandering around Tallinn going to _museums_.”

“Aren’t you the art student here?” Gwen reminded him.

Gwaine pretended to barf.

Mithian came back with her laptop and set it up on the windowsill so everyone could see it. For whatever reason, the consensus was to watch _Spice World_.

“This is dumb,” Arthur said, getting up and crossing the room to sit next to Merlin on Merlin’s bed instead. He sat a little too close, and Merlin wondered if he was already drunk.

“Like you’ve never seen it before,” Gwaine said.

“‘Course I have. Doesn’t mean it’s not dumb.”

No one else argued the point, but Mithian still started up the film.

Gwaine pulled up some drinking game rules based on each of the Spice Girls’s names, but everyone declared it too complicated. The movie went by quickly, with everyone drinking at their own pace, until the end when everyone was in an exhausted and giggly drunken stupor.

“I used to have such a thing for Ginger Spice,” Lance sighed as the credits started rolling.

“I liked Posh,” Gwaine said, closing his eyes as he leaned his head against the wall.

“Don’t you dare fall asleep in my bed,” Arthur warned.

Gwaine groaned and opened one eye. “Why? Don’t you want a cuddle?”

“Not with you.”

Gwaine stuck out his lower lip. “Just because I’m a bloke?”

“No, because you’re an idiot.”

“But you would cuddle a bloke.”

Arthur rolled his eyes. “Yeah, what of it?”

“Just confirming my suspicions.”

“What suspicions?” Arthur asked.

“That you’re not as straight as you pretend.”

Arthur scoffed. “I don’t _pretend_ anything. I never said I was straight.”

Merlin glanced over at Arthur. He was flushed, but that might have just been from the alcohol.

“You never said otherwise,” Gwaine pointed out. “Merlin and I came out weeks ago.”

“Came out as what?” Elena asked, looking alarmed.

“I’m gay,” Merlin said. “Gwaine’s bi. Or horny. Or something.”

Gwaine chuckled and pushed himself off Arthur’s bed. “Well, I don’t know about you all, but I need sleep. I didn’t get a single second of it last night.” He picked his way across where Gwen and Lance were sitting on the floor. “I bid you—” He bowed clumsily and then checked his page of phrases again. “Fuck me. Spo-koy-nay… nosh. Noch. No-chay. Yup.”

Laughing to himself, Gwaine left with a half-empty bottle of vodka.

“I’ll go make sure he gets tucked in,” Elena volunteered, following after him.

“I supposed I should get to bed as well,” Mithian said, getting up from her chair. She grabbed her laptop. “Spo-koy-nay-no-chay.”

Merlin gave a half-hearted wave as she left. Arthur was still sitting way too close, and he was starting to feel weird about. It wasn’t the alcohol, either. He had a feeling in his gut that he knew what was about to happen, and he wondered if his magic might be able to tell the future. Or maybe it really was just the alcohol.

“I guess we’ll go, too,” Lance said, standing and pulling Gwen to her feet. “Can we take some of this alcohol off your hands?”

Arthur nodded, and they left with two bottles of beer.

“That was fun,” Arthur said, _still_ sitting next to Merlin even though his bed, the chair, and the floor were all free.

“It was,” Merlin agreed.

Arthur yawned and then lay down, pushing his torso down between the wall and Merlin’s back.

“What are you doing?” Merlin asked, scooting forward to give Arthur some room.

“Cuddling,” Arthur said, pulling Merlin down with him.

Merlin let Arthur spoon up behind him, and he stared across the room at the other bed. It was empty, and he didn’t know what was happening. Was this just what Arthur was like when he was drunk and tired? Or was something more going on? Merlin had no idea, and he didn’t know what to do. His magic felt like it was going haywire.

“Are you really bi?” he asked, surprised to hear how quiet his voice was.

“Yeah,” Arthur said, his voice just as low. “I had boyfriend all of last year.”

“What about Mithian?”

Arthur shrugged. “Mithian’s great. I just didn’t like her as much as I thought I did. Or, rather, I realised I liked someone else more.”

Merlin could feel his heart thumping in his chest. “Who’s that? Gwaine?”

Arthur chuckled and sat up, pulling Merlin up with him.

“You,” he said simply before leaning forward for a kiss.

Merlin had a thousand thoughts whirring though his mind, but none of them were _‘we should stop’_, so he let it happen.

He had never thought about kissing Arthur before. He had thought Arthur was straight. And he genuinely didn’t waste time pining after straight guys. He had never considered this as an option. He didn’t even know if he wanted it.

Except, why wouldn’t he want it? Arthur was attractive and funny and his best friend in the program.

Maybe he did want it. Or maybe he didn’t. He couldn’t tell. He was drunk and exhausted and so confused.

His magic seemed to want it, at least. It was pulsing, surrounding Arthur, seemingly drawing him closer.

“Have you ever thought about kissing me before?” Arthur asked before he ducked down to kiss along Merlin’s neck.

“No,” Merlin said because it was true.

“Shame.” Arthur kissed up to his ear and flicked his tongue in it. “I’ve thought about kissing you.”

“Clearly.”

Arthur chuckled, low and deep, and then went back to kissing Merlin.

Merlin went along with it, trying to turn his brain off and enjoy it, trying to tell himself he could deal with his feelings in the morning, trying to ignore how exhausted he was.

But then his stomach started to hurt, and the feeling of his magic glowing started to fade, and he knew he would end up getting sick in the morning if he didn’t get some sleep.

“Arthur,” he breathed, and Arthur pulled back a little. “I need sleep.”

Arthur smiled and gave Merlin a peck. “Yeah. Me, too. I’m fucking exhausted.” He dove back in for one last tongue-heavy kiss and then climbed over Merlin to get off the bed. “Sleep tight,” he said, brushing his hand over Merlin’s hair. Then he collapsed on top of his bed, still in his clothes, and seemed to fall asleep instantly.

Merlin took a deep breath and went to clean his teeth and change into his pyjamas. He turned off the lights and crawled into his bed, forcing himself to not think about anything.


	3. Chapter 3

Merlin woke up to the sound of Arthur taking a shower. He got dressed and sat on his bed, idly reading through one of his dad’s journals. He still didn’t know what to think about what had happened the night before.

When Arthur came out of the shower, he was dressed for the day and scrubbing a towel over his hair.

“Morning,” he said around a yawn. “Did you get some sleep?”

“I did, yeah. Thanks. How did you sleep?”

“Like a fucking rock,” Arthur said, grinning. He tossed his towel at Merlin, and Merlin could smell him on it. He tossed it back, and Arthur batted it onto his bed. “Breakfast is soon.”

“Right.” Merlin grabbed some clothes and went into the bathroom to change. It didn’t seem like Arthur was going to initiate a talk about the night before. Maybe it was just going to be a one-time thing.

Arthur was gone when he came back out, so Merlin pulled on his shoes and went down to the hotel lobby to meet up with everyone. They went to breakfast as a group and then split up based on interests—one group went on a literary tour, and the other a history tour.

“Which are you doing?” Arthur asked Merlin.

“Take a guess.”

“History,” Arthur said, smiling sheepishly. “Right. Sorry.”

Merlin flashed him a smile and followed the rest of the group on a walking tour. They started at the Winter Palace and then went across the river to a fortress where a bunch of famous writers and politicians had been jailed at various times. Towards the end of the tour, they were taken to a cathedral and allowed to climb up to the roof to get a view of the city.

“Now we know why there’s no skyscrapers,” Elena said happily, leaning over the railing to look down at the ground below them.

“Why’s that?” Arthur asked.

“Weren’t you paying attention?”

“No.”

Elena laughed. “Because nothing is allowed to be taller than this cathedral.”

“Oh. Weird. Hey, Merlin, come here.”

Merlin stepped up to the railing and Arthur stood behind him, grabbing his hands and holding them out wide.

“I’m the king of the world!”

“Is that a _Titanic_ reference?” Merlin asked, laughing.

“Might be.”

Merlin snorted and turned around to shove Arthur off him. Arthur shot him a wide smile, and something in Merlin’s stomach squirmed.

Arthur was beautiful. And he was fun. And he had followed Merlin around all day even though he wasn’t at all interested in history.

“Stop flirting,” Elena teased, and Merlin flushed and went over to another railing to look out at a different part of the city.

“All right?” Arthur asked, trailing after Merlin.

“Yeah,” Merlin said. All he was thinking about was kissing Arthur again. The city was breath-taking, with its pastel colours and winding canals and wide open skies, but it paled in comparison to Arthur. “Let’s go back down.”

The two groups joined together for lunch and were given the afternoon to do as they pleased. Merlin wanted to go back to the Hermitage to see more of the art he’d missed by spending his free hour the day before in the armoury. Arthur went off with Gwen and Lance—who seemed especially cosy together—to explore the canals and bridges, and Merlin found himself disappointed.

“I’ll go with you,” Gwaine said, watching Arthur and the others walk off, “if you tell me what you and Arthur got up to last night.”

Merlin could see Mithian watching them, so he turned away and started back for the museum. “Sleeping,” he said when Gwaine followed. “What did you and Elena get up too?”

“Snogging, obviously.”

“Obviously,” Merlin muttered.

“Did you really not do anything?” Gwaine pressed. “He was definitely flirting with you.”

“He wasn’t doing anything. Besides, it’s none of your business.”

Gwaine snorted. “I’ll take that as my answer, thanks.”

“You’re not welcome.”

Gwaine flung his arm around Merlin’s shoulders. “I’m happy for you.”

Merlin said nothing to that. He tried to push thoughts of Arthur out of his mind for the rest of the afternoon, but every time he saw something in the museum that he liked, he wished Arthur were there to see it with him. Even though he knew Arthur didn’t care about anything Merlin was looking at, he would have liked the company. He would have liked to see Arthur dragging his feet and complaining. He would have liked to see Arthur trying to annoy him. He would have liked Arthur just being there with him.

After dinner, everyone went back to the hotel to dress up and go out to the ballet. Merlin changed into nice trousers and a button-down shirt, and Arthur put on an entire suit.

Their seats were on opposite sides of the theatre, and Merlin found himself missing Arthur again. He wanted to know what Arthur thought of the ballet and if he disliked dance as much as he did art. He wanted to talk to Arthur about the hot ballet dancers. He wanted to talk to Arthur in general. And he wanted to kiss him again.

When the ballet was over, Gwaine tried to corral a group of people to go out to a pub.

“Do you think I should risk it?” Arthur asked Merlin.

Merlin knew he was referring to the magic users that had been attacking him in Estonia. But there was something else in his question, too.

“Probably not,” Merlin said.

“We’re going to skip,” Arthur said. “There’s still some alcohol in our room, I think we’ll have a little party.”

“Have fun,” Gwaine said, and he gave them a wink.

Merlin blushed, but Arthur just laughed. They made their way to the metro and back to the hotel without incident, and as soon as they were in their room Arthur pulled Merlin in for a kiss. Merlin’s magic hummed pleasantly, sending shivers down his spine.

“Been wanting to do that all day,” Arthur whispered.

“Me, too,” Merlin admitted. He put his hands on Arthur’s waist and leaned in for another kiss. “Can we talk, though?”

“Sure.” Arthur gave him a peck before stepping back. He poured them each a shot of vodka and sat down on Merlin’s bed. “What’s up?” He knocked back his shot and pulled a face.

Merlin took his shot and considered his seating options, eventually settling on the chair.

“I just… wanted to know what you want, I guess.”

“I want you,” Arthur said, and Merlin blushed again. “I’ve been thinking about you a lot. I kind of can’t stop.”

“That’s how I felt today,” Merlin said. “I had no idea you weren’t straight.”

Arthur shrugged. “Sorry. It never really came up.”

“You don’t have to apologise. I just mean that this is newer for me. I hadn’t really thought it was an option.”

“That’s all right. As long as you’re not just going along with it to avoid a conflict.”

“I’m not,” Merlin said.

“Then we’re good.”

Merlin smiled and ran his finger around the rim of his glass. “I was wondering,” he said, watching his finger, “about what you said about coming to Tallinn to piss off your dad.”

Arthur sighed and rubbed the bridge of his nose before answering. “The woman who put the protection charm on me. She was from Estonia. She was also the one who…”

“Who what?” Merlin asked quietly.

“My parents really wanted a child,” Arthur explained. “My mother couldn’t, so my dad brought in a magic user to help. But it… it turned out that there had to be a sacrifice to create life. So my mum died when she gave birth to me.”

Merlin gaped at him. “I’m so sorry. That’s awful.”

Arthur shrugged. “Yeah. Well. That’s what happens when you don’t understand what you’re asking for and use things for your own personal, selfish gain. The magic user fled back to Estonia.”

“I’m sorry,” Merlin said again.

“Yeah. Me, too. It’s my dad’s fault, though, so. Nothing to be done about it now except go against his wishes as best I can. He’s _not_ happy that I’m here. He’s not happy that I used to be dating a bloke. He’s not happy about a lot of things about me.”

“He sounds hard to deal with.”

Arthur snorted. “That’s putting it mildly. But… yeah. That’s how I decided to come here. I knew it would hurt him the most.”

“Did you know your dad kicked my dad out of the country?”

Arthur frowned. “No.”

“I don’t blame you,” Merlin said quickly.

“You should. I’m the reason my dad hates magic.”

“It’s not your fault. I’m glad you came on this program. Otherwise we wouldn’t have met.”

Arthur patted the spot next to him on the bed. Merlin went over, and Arthur pulled him down until they were lying together with Arthur behind Merlin, one armed wrapped around him.

“I’m glad we met,” Arthur said, and Merlin covered Arthur’s hand with his own.

“And I’m glad we got roomed together.”

“I asked Kilgharrah to assign me as your roommate,” Arthur admitted.

Merlin chuckled. “That’s sly.”

“Are you mad?”

“Obviously not.”

Merlin turned over and went in for a kiss, and Arthur pulled him close.

“Rooming with you has its benefits,” Merlin teased.

Arthur smiled and gave Merlin’s nose a kiss before he started kissing down Merlin’s neck. He pulled Merlin’s shirt off quickly to get access to more skin and sucked a bruise just above one of Merlin’s collar bones.

“Damn,” Merlin breathed, tangling his fingers in Arthur’s hair. Arthur really wasn’t wasting any time.

“I want you,” Arthur said, his voice a little muffled by Merlin’s skin.

He kissed down Merlin’s chest, pausing briefly to flick his tongue over Merlin’s nipples, and then down his stomach. He undid Merlin’s belt and yanked down his trousers and pants in one go. Merlin’s cock flopped out ungracefully. He was only half hard, but Arthur wasn’t deterred. He kissed around Merlin’s thighs and balls, teasing him until he was fully hard and straining.

“Arthur.” Merlin squirmed when Arthur’s breath ghosted over the tip of his cock.

“Merlin,” Arthur said, his smile wicked. Keeping his eyes locked with Merlin, he lowered his mouth until he had it around Merlin’s whole cock.

“Damn,” Merlin said again.

Arthur murmured his agreement, pulling off slightly before ducking back down.

Merlin kept one hand in Arthur’s hair and covered his eyes with the other, trying to maintain control when all he really wanted to do was buck up into Arthur’s mouth. He hadn’t gotten off with anyone in so long, and his body was overreacting to all the stimulation. His magic was arching into it, and it was hard not to follow.

Perhaps sensing that Merlin was already close, Arthur tugged on his balls, and Merlin let out a moan.

“That’s what I wanted to hear,” Arthur said, pulling off of Merlin’s cock.

Merlin looked down. “What?” he asked, distracted by Arthur’s red, wet lips.

“I wanted to make you moan.” Arthur kissed back up Merlin’s stomach and chest and then kissed him, hard. He reached down to stroke Merlin’s cock, and Merlin’s hips arched off the bed.

“Arthur, I’m—”

“S’alright,” Arthur murmured, speeding up his hand. Merlin bit down another moan and Arthur nipped at his lower lip. “I want to hear you,” he said.

“What if someone else hears?” Merlin asked. He grabbed Arthur’s arm to try to slow him down.

“Let them.” Arthur flicked his tongue against Merlin’s ear, and Merlin huffed as everything got tighter.

“Arthur,” he warned again.

“Yeah,” Arthur breathed, slotting closer. “Come on.”

Merlin groaned and came over his chest, his magic trembling inside him as Arthur stroked him through it.

“Fuck,” he muttered as Arthur slowed down his hand. “Sorry.”

Arthur chuckled and raised his hand to lick it clean. “What are you apologising for, exactly?”

“That was… faster than I wanted,” Merlin said, flushing.

“I’ll take it as a compliment,” Arthur said. He flopped onto his back and gave Merlin an expectant look. “Well?”

Merlin wiped off his chest with his nice shirt and turned onto his side. Arthur was still fully dressed, so he undid Arthur’s belt and slipped his hand into Arthur’s pants. Arthur gave an appreciative hum, and Merlin tested a few angles until he found something comfortable for him that also made Arthur’s breath hitch.

“That’s good,” Arthur murmured when Merlin started moving his hand a little faster.

Merlin leaned up and Arthur kissed him for a moment before pulling back, panting.

“That’s really good,” he said.

“Good enough to make you moan?”

Arthur bit his lip and nodded, pushing his hips up in time with Merlin’s strokes.

Merlin took his hand out and sat up. He pulled down Arthur’s trousers and leaned down get his mouth around Arthur’s cock. All his magic seemed to flood to the place where they were connected, seeking to be closer to Arthur.

“Merlin,” Arthur moaned, one of his hands immediately coming to rest in Merlin’s hair. “I’m close.”

Merlin wrapped a hand around the base of Arthur’s cock and flicked his tongue against the tip, and Arthur let out something between a groan and whimper. The sound went straight to Merlin’s cock and he could feel himself getting hard again.

“That’s good,” he breathed, and Merlin looked up to see his head thrown back on the pillow.

“That’s—ah, fuck—” Arthur clapped a hand over his mouth and breathed hard, his hips squirming.

Merlin pulled off and started stroking him again, more quickly this time, and Arthur came a few moments later, painting great streaks across his shirt as he moaned into his fist.

“I thought you wanted to let people hear,” Merlin teased.

Arthur dropped his hand and used it to pull Merlin in for a kiss. “Maybe I didn’t want to share that with anyone else.”

“But it’s fine if I shared mine?”

Arthur grinned, and Merlin rolled his eyes. Arthur got out of his shirt, and then they curled up together in Merlin’s bed.

“Thank you,” Merlin said, his face pressed to Arthur’s chest.

“For what?

“I don’t know. For kissing me last night.”

Arthur chuckled, his body shaking in Merlin’s arms. “You’re very welcome.”

“We should probably get into our pyjamas,” Merlin said, surprising a yawn.

Arthur groaned but agreed, rolling out of Merlin’s bed and pulling Merlin up with him.

Once they were changed and properly ready for sleep, they got back into Merlin’s bed and drifted off together.

~~~~

In the morning, Merlin and Arthur took a shower together before joining the rest of their program for breakfast.

“Morning, lovebirds,” Gwaine said as he sat down next to them at the restaurant. “How was your night?”

“Low-key,” Arthur said. “How was yours?”

“The opposite.”

“Figures. You know we have an eight-hour train ride today, yeah?”

“So what?”

“Just seems like something I wouldn’t want to do hungover.”

“I’m not hungover,” Gwaine said proudly. “I was very responsible last night.”

“That’s surprising to hear,” Merlin said.

“Were you boys responsible?” Gwaine asked, grinning. “Did you practice safe sex?”

Arthur rolled his eyes but said nothing.

After breakfast, they went to one last museum before getting back onto a train to head to Tallinn. Since they were riding during the day, they were all in seats in an open car, but the trip was subdued. Most people napped, a few played games, some others gathered around Mithian’s laptop to watch a few films.

Merlin curled up in a window seat with his dad’s journals and read a few entries out loud to Arthur, who most likely fell asleep but acted like he had been paying attention when he opened his eyes. After that they each did a little bit of coursework, and then they listened to an album, sharing Arthur’s headphones.

When they got back to Tallinn, Merlin, Arthur, and Mithian hopped on a bus to go back to their block of flats. Merlin kept things as platonic as possible between him and Arthur, not wanting to flaunt anything in front of Mithian. She clearly knew, though, because she kept her distance.

“I feel bad,” Merlin whispered to Arthur as they got off the bus.

“She’ll be fine,” Arthur assured him. “Just give it some—”

He was cut off by someone tackling him to the ground. Merlin panicked and threw the man off Arthur as best he could, his magic pulsing inside of him. The man wrestled with him for a moment until Arthur got up and stepped in, shoving the man away.

“What the fuck is your problem?” he demanded.

The man pulled out a knife, an engraved one, and Merlin collapsed the bus stop on top of him before the thought had even fully formed in his head. His magic seemed to be a step ahead of him.

“Run,” he shouted, sprinting towards their block of flats.

“What is happening?” Mithian asked as she ran past him.

“Merlin, watch out!” Arthur shouted.

Merlin looked over his shoulder to see a second man—the one from the museum—running after them with another knife. Merlin swore and then, his magic roaring out of him, upended an empty, parked van, blocking the man’s path.

When he reached their block of flats, Arthur was pushing Mithian inside. He checked behind them again and saw the first guy running towards them. It looked like he was bleeding.

“Inside, inside, inside,” he chanted, shoving Arthur in and slamming the door behind them.

“Who were those guys?” Mithian demanded.

Arthur just shook his head.

Merlin called the lift and invited them up to Gaius’s flat. Gaius wasn’t home, so he made them tea and pulled out some of Gaius’s sweets.

“What I don’t understand is how they can’t get inside,” Arthur said after a while. “I mean, if they have—” He glanced at Mithian. “Surely it wouldn’t take that much effort?”

“I bet Gaius protected the building in some way,” Merlin guessed.

“Is anyone going to tell me what’s going on?” Mithian asked, clearly annoyed.

“There’s some people who are after me,” Arthur said. “They… my dad… my dad’s not a very good person, and they seem to know his son is here. I think they’re trying to get revenge.”

“What did your dad do?” Mithian asked. “How do they know who you are? Why are they trying to _kill_ you?”

“It’s a long story,” Merlin said when Arthur didn’t respond.

“Oh, but of course _you_ know it.”

Merlin bit his lip, and Mithian sighed and leaned her head back for a moment.

“I’m sorry,” she said. “I’m not mad. That was just—that was scary.”

“It was,” Merlin agreed. “But you’re safe.”

Mithian shrugged and finished her tea. “I’m going home,” she announced, “unless you’d like to give me any more details.”

Arthur shook his head. Mithian sighed, but then she stood and kissed Arthur on the forehead.

“Take care of yourself,” she said. And then, turning to Merlin, she added, “Nice magic, by the way.”

Merlin’s jaw dropped, and Arthur just laughed as Mithian let herself out of Gaius’s flat.

“Merlin,” Arthur said once he’d calmed down. “I can’t ask you to keep doing this.”

“I’m not going to stop.”

“No, I mean… I mean, I think I have to go home. It’s not fair to ask you to keep track of me all the time, to use your magic to hurt other people.”

“You can’t leave,” Merlin said. “You don’t get to dictate how I choose to use my magic.”

“Did you enjoy doing that?” Arthur asked.

“No,” Merlin said, “but that doesn’t mean it wasn’t the right thing to do. You don’t understand what it’s like. I’ve had this, this… this _need_ to understand my magic, to be able to use it for something greater than myself. It’s you.”

“It’s not me,” Arthur said, getting up from the table. “I’m calling Kilgharrah in the morning.”

“I don’t want you to,” Merlin said, following Arthur to the door. “I want you to stay here. I don’t care if I have to use my magic to protect you, to protect us. I _like_ doing it. It’s the only time it’s ever felt like my magic has had a real purpose. It’s the only time it’s felt like it’s _mine_, like it’s a part of me instead of just this thing I can do.”

“I’m sorry,” Arthur said, his hand on the doorknob. “It’s my life.” With that, he opened the door and went down to his own flat.

~~~~

The next night, after a long day of classes, Merlin pulled out his mobile and texted Arthur. He'd been nauseous all day—not from a hangover, not from new magic, but from the thought of losing Arthur. He didn't want Arthur to leave, and he needed to let Arthur know that. It wasn’t just that he didn’t want to lose how his magic acted differently around Arthur. He didn’t want to lose the other feelings he got around Arthur—the warm ones, the soft ones, the ones that curled up inside of him and made him feel safe despite the obvious dangers.

** _Can we talk?_ **

**Come on down to mine**

Merlin did so, and Arthur awkwardly introduced him to his host mother, who barely spoke any English, before escorting Merlin into his room.

“I talked to Kilgharrah,” Arthur said before Merlin could start their conversation.

“And?” Merlin asked, sitting on Arthur’s bed.

“He told me to sleep on it. As if I hadn’t already done that.”

“He wants you to stay,” Merlin said. “I do, too. If you would just—”

“I’m not letting anyone put any spells on me,” Arthur said calmly. He sat down next to Merlin.

“Why?” Merlin asked, irritated. “Why won’t you just let him help you?”

“Is it wrong of me to distrust him?” Arthur asked. “My father kicked him out of his home. I have no way of knowing if he would use the opportunity to enact revenge.”

“Kilgharrah’s not like that. If he wanted to hurt you, he’s had plenty of chances so far.”

Arthur shrugged. “It doesn’t matter. I’m not risking it.”

“What if I did the spell?”

Arthur considered Merlin for a moment. “Do you know how to do it?”

“No,” Merlin admitted, “but maybe if I got help—”

“Help from who?”

Merlin pursed his lips. The only one who could help him with Kilgharrah.

“I don’t want to have to rely on other people’s magic to protect me from my father’s mistakes,” Arthur said quietly. “I can’t keep asking you to help me.”

“You never asked,” Merlin pointed out.

“Didn’t really give you much of a choice, though, did I?”

“I wanted to help.”

“I know.” Arthur gave him a small smile. “And I appreciate that, but this is my choice.”

“What about what I want?” Merlin asked. “I want you here, I want to be with you.”

“It’s not worth the risk,” Arthur said, and Merlin bit down on his tongue. “I shouldn’t have come here. It was… it was dangerous. I knew it was dangerous. I didn’t realise exactly how bad it would be, but I still knew it was a stupid decision. I need to go home. I need to figure out where to go from here.”

“Meaning?”

“Meaning I don’t want this to be how I interact with magic my whole life. Maybe there’s something else I can do, something to counteract what my father’s been doing. I don’t know. I have to try.”

Merlin looked down at his hands.

“I didn’t mean that _you’re_ not work the risk,” Arthur said quietly. “There are other ways for us to be together.”

“How?” Merlin asked. “We can do long-distance while I’m here, but then what? I go back home, and I have to hide myself from your father. How could we possibly—”

Arthur cut him off with a kiss. “I’ll protect you,” he said. “Whatever I can do, I’ll do it. Same as you’ve done for me.”

Merlin sighed and closed his eyes.

“Merlin,” Arthur whispered. “I have to go home. I am sorry.”

Merlin shook his head. “You don’t have to be sorry. It’s your life.”

Arthur kissed Merlin again, and Merlin leaned into it, knowing this could be one of the last times he ever saw Arthur. His magic hummed as they kissed, and Merlin moved closer, not wanting to let go of that feeling.

~~~~

Three days later and Merlin was standing at the airport, watching as Arthur checked in and disappeared towards the gates.

His magic felt like it was drooping.

“You’ll see him again,” Gwaine said, wrapping an arm around Merlin’s shoulders.

“I guess.” Merlin took a deep breath and turned away.

Mithian and Elena were waiting for them outside, and the four of them walked to the bus stop.

“Come have lunch with us?” Elena asked, linking her arm with Merlin’s.

“Thanks,” Merlin said, “but I just want to go home. I have coursework.”

“Please?” Gwaine asked.

Merlin shook his head. “I’m fine. I promise.”

Accepting defeat, Elena and Gwaine got on a bus that would take them towards Gwaine’s flat. As Mithian and Merlin waited for the one that would take them home, Merlin pulled out his mobile.

He already had a text from Arthur.

**Miss you. Let’s Skype when I get back, yeah?**

Merlin grinned and typed out his response quickly.

** _Yeah, definitely. Have a safe flight :)_ **

“See?” Mithian said, reading over his shoulder. “You’ll talk to him again soon enough.”

Merlin slipped his mobile in his pocket. “Not really the same as having him here, though.”

“No,” Mithian agreed.

Their bus came a few minutes later, and during the ride Merlin let Mithian convince him to join her for a cup of tea once they got off at their stop.

“I wanted to thank you,” Merlin said when they were sat at a small table in the back of a café.

“For what?” Mithian asked.

“For being good about… about me and Arthur being together.”

Mithian shrugged. “It was always going to be you, Merlin. I was a distraction.”

“He liked you.”

“I know.” She smiled. “I liked him, too. But he liked you more.”

Merlin took a sip of his tea.

“I also wanted to ask you about what you said the other day.”

“What did I say?”

“About magic.”

“Oh, that,” Mithian laughed. “You weren’t exactly subtle.”

“I was… I was trying to protect us.”

“I know. And you did. I appreciate it.”

“How do you know about magic?” Merlin asked.

Mithian shrugged again. “I have friends. They’re usually a _lot_ more subtle.”

“They’d have to be, wouldn’t they?” Merlin said, mostly to himself.

“They did say it was dangerous,” Mithian said. “Apparently there’s some branch of the government dedicated to eradicating all magic from the country.”

“Yeah.” Merlin licked his lips. “It’s Arthur’s dad.”

Mithian raised her eyebrows. “Is that why those men were going after Arthur?”

Merlin nodded.

“Well,” Mithian said after a long moment, “that sounds complicated.”

Merlin snorted. “Putting it mildly, yeah.”

“If you like, once we’re back home, I can connect you with my friends. They’re quite happy, and they’ve never actually gotten into any trouble. Maybe they can give you some tips on how to properly protect yourself.”

“You’d do that?” Merlin asked.

Mithian smiled brightly. “Of course. You’re my friend, too.”

Merlin returned her smile, grateful, and took another sip of tea.

~~~~

“Hey!” Arthur said, practically shouting into his laptop. “Can you see me?”

“I can see you,” Merlin said, laughing. “Can you see me?”

“I can. You look hot.”

Merlin blushed, and Arthur grinned.

“How was your flight?” Merlin asked, settling on his bed with his laptop.

“Boring,” Arthur said. “I miss you.”

“It’s been like 24 hours,” Merlin pointed out.

Arthur shrugged. “Does that mean I can’t miss you?”

“No,” Merlin said quietly, smiling. He made the Skype window bigger on his screen, wanting to see more of Arthur. “I miss you, too.”

“You’d better.”

“Where are you?”

“My dad’s. He’s not here,” he added when he saw Merlin tensing. “I’m going back to my flat this weekend.”

“What are you doing for your classes?” Merlin asked.

Arthur shrugged. “I’m meeting with my advisor next week. I’m thinking they’ll work something out when I let them know I was nearly stabbed to death.”

“Well, when you put it like that…”

Arthur grinned and ran a hand through his hair. He looked wistfully at the screen for a moment, and then he took off his shirt.

“What are you doing?” Merlin asked.

“Are you alone?”

“Yeah, why?”

Arthur gave Merlin a look that went straight to Merlin’s cock.

“We’ve barely been talking 5 minutes,” Merlin said.

“I saw you 24 hours ago,” Arthur said. “What else is there to talk about besides your cock?”

“You want to talk about my cock?”

“Sure.” Arthur smiled widely. “It’s a lovely thing.”

Merlin chuckled and took off his own shirt to even things out.

“And your neck,” Arthur continued. “And your arse.”

“I like your arse, too.”

“And?” Arthur asked.

“And your arrogance,” Merlin said. “Very attractive.”

“It’s obviously worked on you.”

“What makes you think that?”

Instead of answering, Arthur stood and shucked off his jeans and pants. He was already hard. He adjusted his laptop as he sat back down, making sure his full body was on display for Merlin.

Merlin wished Arthur was still in Tallinn. They hadn’t any time or place to be together again before Arthur had flown home. Merlin wanted to touch him, to smell him, to feel his hard, warm body pressed up against his own. He wanted to get back that feeling of his magic so desperate to be close to another person.

“Well?” Arthur asked as he started stroking himself.

Merlin scrambled to get naked. He sat near his pillows and set the laptop down on the other side of the bed so Arthur could see all of him.

“See?” Arthur said. “Lovely.”

Merlin smirked and licked his hand before taking a firm grip on his half-hard cock. He pulled on himself, and, watching Arthur, it didn’t take long before he was fully hard and raring to go. He had never done anything like this before, but it was hot. It would be hotter if Arthur was there in person, though. His magic was aching for something more real.

“I wish you were here,” Merlin said, his voice tight.

“Yeah? What would you do to me?”

“You know exactly what.”

“I don’t,” Arthur insisted. “Could be any number of things.”

“I’d blow you,” Merlin said, keeping his voice low even though he knew Gaius wasn’t there.

“Where?”

“Against the wall,” Merlin decided. “On my knees.”

Merlin could see Arthur swallow hard.

“Yeah,” Arthur sighed and stroked himself faster. “I’d fuck you.”

Merlin raised his eyebrows, his hand faltering a little. “What makes you think I’d let you?”

Arthur grinned. “I can be very persuasive.”

Merlin laughed and resumed stroking himself, secretly loving the idea of Arthur fucking him, good and hard with him on his knees and Arthur behind him, one hand in his hair and the other gripping hard on his hip.

He bet Arthur would be a good fuck.

“What are you thinking about?” Arthur asked, and Merlin realised he’d closed his eyes.

“You.”

“Obviously. What about me?”

“You fucking me,” Merlin said, moving his hand faster.

“So you would let me?” Arthur teased.

Merlin nodded. “I’d let you fuck me until you come, and then I’d turn you over and fuck you, too.”

Arthur bit his lip. “That’s hot.”

“I know. I want to come,” Merlin sad, not sure how much more teasing he could take.

“Yeah?”

“Are you close?”

Arthur said nothing, just reached down with his free hand to do something Merlin couldn’t quite see. Whatever it was must have felt good, though, because Arthur came with a grunt a moment later. Merlin groaned and leaned back on one elbow, panting as he brought himself off.

“That was good,” Arthur said, sounding a little breathless.

Merlin watched as Arthur continued pulling on himself until he was soft.

“Was it good for you?” Arthur asked with a grin.

“Not really,” Merlin lied.

Arthur laughed and wiped himself up with a tissue. Merlin didn’t have any tissues in his room, so he used his pants and made a mental note to do laundry as soon as possible.

“I do miss you,” Arthur said, leaning closer to his laptop. “I’m sorry I had to leave.”

“I understand. I miss you, too. Let’s do this again.”

“Obviously.” Arthur lay down, pulling his laptop with him. “Tell me about everything you’ve done since I left.”

Merlin smiled, feeling warm inside. “I had tea with Mithian after we dropped you off at the airport. She says she knows people with magic.”

“I figured as much, considering she called you out on it,” Arthur said, grinning.

“She says she can connect me with them, to see how they’re protecting themselves against…”

“My father?”

Merlin nodded.

“Good,” Arthur said. “I want you to be safe.”

“Are _you_ safe?”

Arthur nodded. “Haven’t had any incidents. I’m protected here, so… I’ll be fine.”

He sounded a little bitter, but Merlin was glad. Glad that Arthur was safe, even though he wished they could be somewhere safe together. But he was safest in Estonia, away from Arthur’s father—and Arthur was safest in England, protected by the spells Arthur’s father had commissioned.

“What are you thinking about?” Arthur asked.

“You,” Merlin said, managing a smile. “And me. Trying to make this work.”

“We’ll figure it out,” Arthur promised. “I’ll protect you, and you’ll protect me, and we’ll figure it out. I wouldn’t let him hurt you. If it comes down to it, I’ll leave with you.”

“Arthur,” Merlin protested even as his magic rustled happily. “You can’t say things like that. We barely know each other.”

“No? All right then, I’ll rat you out and let him banish you and not care all the while. How’s that?”

Merlin rolled his eyes. “You know that’s not what I meant.”

“I know you, Merlin,” Arthur said quietly. “And you know me.”

“If you were still here, I could get to know you better.”

“That’s what Skype is for,” Arthur said happily. “The modern world is great for this. And you’ll be back here soon enough. Then we can fuck for real.”

Merlin chuckled. “Yeah. That sounds nice.”

Arthur grinned and then yawned. “I’m tired,” he said. “Will you read me your dad’s journals again until I fall asleep?”

Merlin’s magic swirled, reaching out for his laptop, reaching towards the journals, and Merlin bit down a smile.

“Sure. Any requests?”

“I liked the bit about the botanical garden,” Arthur said, already closing his eyes.

Merlin grabbed one of the journal off his desk and flipped to that entry. He read it slowly, savouring the way Arthur smiled whenever he got to a description of magic, until Arthur’s breathing evened out and his expression went slack.

“Goodnight,” Merlin whispered before ending the Skype call.

~~~~

Merlin waited nervously at the train station, bouncing a little on the balls of his feet and trying to see over the crowds of people who were gathering to get on the next train.

Arthur was coming to visit. Merlin had been home from Tallinn for a full week, and he was getting desperate. It felt like it had been ages since he’d been able to see Arthur in person, to hold him, to kiss him, to see his smile up close and personal.

He couldn’t wait. His magic was buzzing with anticipation.

The train was late, though. It took an extra twenty minutes for it to roll into the station, and then Merlin had to deal with all the people pushing past him, trying to board.

“Hey.”

Merlin turned to see Arthur standing next to him, smiling brightly.

“Hey!” Merlin flung his arms around Arthur’s neck, pulling him in for a hug. He could feel his magic reaching out, seeping through the space where Arthur stood and embracing him. “Hi.”

“Hi,” Arthur said, his hands firm and warm on Merlin’s back. He leaned back and kissed Merlin sweetly, his lips curving in a smile. “Missed you.”

“You have no idea,” Merlin said before going in for another kiss.

Arthur grinned and held him close as they waited for the platform to clear off.

“My mum’s waiting in the car,” Merlin said, taking Arthur’s hand and guiding him towards the car park. “She’ll love you.”

Arthur followed, and Merlin’s mum gave him a big hug as soon as they reached her car.

“It’s so nice to meet you,” she said.

“You too, Ms Emrys.”

“Hunith, please,” she said, patting him on the back as she let him go. “Are you hungry?”

Arthur nodded, so she drove them to dinner where she told Arthur all about Merlin’s magical mishaps as a child.

“It’s a wonder he never knew until I told him,” she said, smiling fondly at Merlin.

Merlin chuckled. “What was I supposed to think? I had no idea magic was a thing. I thought every kid could do what I could.”

Arthur reached out for Merlin’s hand under the table, and Merlin did his best not to blush.

“Anyway,” he said, “I figured it out eventually.”

“Because I told you,” Hunith teased.

Merlin shrugged and finished eating his chips one-handed, still holding onto Arthur’s hand under the table. After they finished dinner, Hunith drove home, and Merlin took Arthur on a long walk back.

“This is nice,” Arthur said as they stopped by a narrow, shallow river.

“I used to play in it,” Merlin said. “When I was small. I’m a bit big for it now.”

Arthur smiled and gave Merlin a kiss on the cheek. “I liked your mum. She’s nice.”

“Yeah? Good. I like her, too.”

Merlin grabbed Arthur’s hand and then held out his other one, hovering it over the river. He closed his eyes and let his magic go, letting it wrap around Arthur. When he called it back, it obeyed him, and he made a small whirlpool in the water.

“Wow,” Arthur said, squeezing Merlin’s hand.

“It’s not much,” Merlin said. “You make it easier.”

“How’s that?”

Merlin lowered his hand and the river began flowing normally. “I don’t know,” he admitted. He turned and gave Arthur a kiss. “It likes you, I guess.”

Arthur went a bit red. Merlin grinned and tugged Arthur’s arm, continuing to lead the way until they finally reached his flat.

“It’s nothing special,” Merlin warned as he unlocked the door to the block of flats.

“I’m sure it’s lovely.”

Merlin shrugged and led Arthur up the stairs to the second floor.

“Hey Mum,” Merlin shouted when they were inside. “We’re home.”

“Okay,” Hunith called from the kitchen.

Merlin shot Arthur a grin and pulled him towards his bedroom.

“Wow,” Arthur said as soon as he caught a glimpse of Merlin’s spell book collection.

“Yeah. Gaius let me take a few back with me. The rest were my dad’s.”

“These look ancient,” Arthur said, gently touching the cover of one.

“They are, probably. Hey.”

Arthur looked up, and Merlin captured his lips in a kiss.

“I missed you,” Merlin breathed, getting his hands under Arthur’s shirt so he could hold onto Arthur’s back. Arthur’s skin was warm, and Merlin’s magic swam to his fingertips. “A lot.”

Arthur cupped Merlin’s face and drew him in for another kiss.

“I missed you, too. I, um… I wanted to tell you something.”

Merlin leaned back a little, taking in Arthur’s nervous expression. “What’s up?”

Taking a deep breath, Arthur slid his hands into Merlin’s hair and pressed their foreheads together. “I love you,” he whispered.

Merlin’s magic thrummed, and he pulled Arthur closer. “I love you, too.”

“I just—I wanted to tell you. I was going to wait, but—”

“I’m glad you told me,” Merlin said, leaning back a little. He gave Arthur a gentle kiss. “I wanted to tell you, too.”

Arthur smiled in relief and gave Merlin another kiss. “Come here,” he said before pulling Merlin down onto Merlin’s bed.

“We should wait until my mum goes to bed,” Merlin whispered.

“I’m not proposing anything.” Arthur rolled onto his side and pulled Merlin’s arm over him, forcing Merlin to spoon up behind him. “Surely she can’t object to a cuddle.”

Merlin chuckled and hooked his chin over Arthur’s shoulder. “Don’t suppose she would.”

Arthur laced his fingers with Merlin’s and took a deep breath. “Thanks for letting me visit.”

“As if I’d have managed another second without you.”

Arthur pressed a kiss to the back of Merlin’s hand. Merlin pressed his forehead to the nape of Arthur’s neck, taking in his scent and letting his magic fall over them both.

“Is that you?” Arthur asked.

“Is what me?”

“That warm tingly feeling. Is that your magic?”

Merlin flushed. “Sorry,” he managed, rolling away. “I didn’t realise—I thought you couldn’t feel it!”

“I couldn’t feel the random magic in that room back at the museum,” Arthur said, turning onto his other side and draping an arm over Merlin’s chest. He rested his head on Merlin’s shoulder. “But I can feel your magic.”

Merlin flushed deeper. “Sorry.”

“Why are you apologising?” Arthur asked, smiling. “I like it. It’s nice.” He leaned up and gave Merlin a kiss.

“Nice?” Merlin asked, still self-conscious. His magic had pulled back, and he felt cold.

“Cosy,” Arthur said, cuddling up closer. “Warm and familiar. Sort of… sort of like it knows me.”

Merlin wrapped an arm around Arthur’s shoulders and pressed a kiss to his hair. “It knows you,” he whispered. “It likes you.”

Arthur chuckled and gave Merlin a squeeze. “I like it, too.”

They lay in silence for a bit, with Merlin thinking about all the times his magic had reacted around and for Arthur, and Arthur slowly falling asleep until he was drooling a little onto Merlin’s shirt.

Eventually there was a quiet knock, and Hunith opened the door and popped her head in.

“Do you want pudding?” she asked in a whisper.

Merlin nodded, and she shot him a wide smile before closing the door again.

“Arthur,” Merlin said, shaking him a little.

Arthur woke with a jerk and wiped at his mouth. “Fuck, sorry,” he said groggily.

“It’s all right. My mum’s got pudding if you like.”

“Yeah? That sounds nice.”

Merlin sat up and pulled Arthur with him.

“I love you,” he whispered, kissing Arthur’s neck.

Arthur shivered, and Merlin wondered if he could feel Merlin’s magic encircling them again.

“After your mum goes to bed,” Arthur said, “you’re mine. I mean, I love you, too. Also, you’re mine.”

Merlin grinned and gave Arthur a long kiss before sliding off the bed. “I’m yours,” he agreed. “After she’s gone to bed. But first, pudding.”

Arthur stood. “Pudding,” he agreed, but then pulled Merlin in for a hug.

Merlin squirmed out of it, laughing, and tugged Arthur down the hall to the kitchen.

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [[ART] Travel far enough, you'll meet yourself (ACBB 2019)](https://archiveofourown.org/works/20673353) by [schweet_heart](https://archiveofourown.org/users/schweet_heart/pseuds/schweet_heart), [SlantedKnitting](https://archiveofourown.org/users/SlantedKnitting/pseuds/SlantedKnitting)


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